Favourite Insults

[PeteXXX]

Have we done Monty Python insults yet?

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries..

 

[PaulB]

Mine tends to be, "Kiss my ring." Of course, there's always, "What do you do for a face when Jabba the Hut wants its arse back?"

 

[Archie_tect]

When the mum of my daughter's best friend told me "You look smart today!", I replied, "Don't I always?"

She just smiled and walked on...

 

[Edwardoka]

"Your face looks like someone tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver"

 

[swee'pea99]

"Have you been to the hairdressers"?
"Yes"..
"Were they shut"?

Brings back one from my youth: "'Who did your hair - the council?"

 

[gbb]

Got an ass like a mailbag full of broken spanners.
Got a complexion like a welders bench.

 

[TheDoctor]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2FmDysvDr8

You dirt-eating piece of slime!
You scum-sucking pig!
You son of a motherless goat!

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Plus of course there are hundreds of Shakespeare insults.

”I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands”

 

[Ming the Merciless]

“The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril”

 

[Ming the Merciless]

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!”

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Thou leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, knot-pated, agatering, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish pouch!”

 

[Chris S]

I heard my Arab neighbour say, "May a thousand Israeli paratroopers sodomize your father."

 

[Ming the Merciless]

When someone tells you their age

“The years have not been kind”.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Calling a Gammon type a Snowflake is priceless