ayceejay
Guru
- Location
- Rural Quebec
My friend died we couldn't decide to cremate or biryani
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Mark1978
Veteran
- Location
- Shouldham, West Norfolk
What's the difference between daal and tarka daal? Tarka daal is a little 'otter
So the missionary stayed in the village in darkest Africa.
After a period of time the Chief's main wife gave birth to a bouncing "white" baby.
The chief called the missionary over and said "Mr.Missionary, I note that my favourite wife's baby is white, you are the only white person in the village. Please explain this".
The missionary replied "But Chief, this is just a natural freak of nature and is in fact quite common. For instance take a look over there at that field of sheep. You will notice that they are all white except for one which is black. You see, just a natural phenomenon, it happens all the time".
The chief looked, thought for a minute then spoke quietly to the priest, "Okay Mr.Missionary we agree, you don't mention the sheep and I won't mention the baby".
After a period of time the Chief's main wife gave birth to a bouncing "white" baby.
The chief called the missionary over and said "Mr.Missionary, I note that my favourite wife's baby is white, you are the only white person in the village. Please explain this".
The missionary replied "But Chief, this is just a natural freak of nature and is in fact quite common. For instance take a look over there at that field of sheep. You will notice that they are all white except for one which is black. You see, just a natural phenomenon, it happens all the time".
The chief looked, thought for a minute then spoke quietly to the priest, "Okay Mr.Missionary we agree, you don't mention the sheep and I won't mention the baby".
vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
It's exam season and here's my favourite 'blooper':
Q. What's the name of this chemical compound?: HCOONa
A. Matata.
Q. What's the name of this chemical compound?: HCOONa
A. Matata.
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
I just got asked the time by a British Gas repair man.
So I told him it was sometime between 8am and 3pm.
So I told him it was sometime between 8am and 3pm.
Profpointy
Legendary Member
mrcunning
Über Member
You've got to love the Irish Mammy!
Young Paddy invited his mother for dinner. During the course of the meal his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Paddy's flat mate, Joanne, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between young Paddy and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Paddy volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.
About a week later, Joanne came to Paddy saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?'
'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Paddy.
So he sat down and wrote
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PADDY
Several days later, Paddy received an email from his mother which read
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE,
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW!
LOVE MAM.
Young Paddy invited his mother for dinner. During the course of the meal his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Paddy's flat mate, Joanne, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between young Paddy and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Paddy volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.
About a week later, Joanne came to Paddy saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?'
'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Paddy.
So he sat down and wrote
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PADDY
Several days later, Paddy received an email from his mother which read
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE,
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW!
LOVE MAM.
TwickenhamCyclist
Guest
I watched Jurassic Park last night and I thought to myself not only has my son got a really stupid name but he's a rubbish driver as well...
Chromatic
Legendary Member
- Location
- Gloucestershire
My wife accused me of being a transvestite the other day.
I was so angry and upset I packed her clothes and left.
I was so angry and upset I packed her clothes and left.
Hitchington
Lovely stuff
- Location
- That London
I've burned my Hawaiian pizza.
I must use aloha heat.
I must use aloha heat.
