Uncle Drago's agony column

[Drago]

Dear Badger,

That the fragrant Mr Aubrey is now on the scene opens up some kinky possibilities. For example, have you ever heard of a spit-roast?

 

[Dave7]

Dear Badger,

That the fragrant Mr Aubrey is now on the scene opens up some kinky possibilities. For example, have you ever heard of a spit-roast?

Yes. I used to enjoy a good spit roast but now I have false teeth I struggle a bit.
I have tried taking my teeth out but that didn't work.
Thank you again for your words of wisdom.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Dear Bodger

Just an idea because clearly our guide and mentor is the oracle

however, it occurred to me that if you are think of treating her to a meal you could maybe

Start with a ripe KumQuat salad

followed by a nice clam chowder or Mufulettatorfor starters

and then, depending on how many people are involved
either a Cincinatti Three Way or maybe Five Guys - or for simplicity then stick to simple Pigs in Blankets

Then finish off with a Mississippi Mud Pie or Boston Cream Pie

I am sure that will impress her

I would rethink the Reliant Robin though

 

[Dave7]

Dear uncle Drago.
I am getting depressed as people keep getting my name wrong.
It is Mr Todger.
I get called Boger or Badger etc.
What can I do about this problem.
Yours
MR TODGER.

 

[Drago]

Dear Mr Nudger,

I know what you mean. People insist on calling me Champ or Ace all the time an it can get tiresome.

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I was going to visit that woman up the road and found a nice, fresh bunch of flowers in the graveyard and had bought a nice bottle of gin and a Terry's Chocolate Orange.

When I got to her house, I found a Reliant Robin parked in the driveway.

I tried to peer in the window to see what they were up to but ripped my best jacket on the rose bush. I then nearly garotted myself on the washing line before tripping on a flower pot and headbutted the window, breaking the glass and cutting my forehead. Fortunately, they didn't notice as they had a Chris Rea record on at full volume.

In a fit of madness, I rammed the Terry's Chocolate Orange up the exhaust pipe of the Reliant.

I now feel guilty and tried to coax it out again but it is completely jammed. I didn't wish to sabotage his car.

Should I go and admit I blocked his exhaust pipe? What do you think will happen when he tries to start his Reliant?

I'm sitting at the hospital now, awaiting stitches in my forehead. What should I tell them to explain the glass cuts and the red line on my neck from the clothes line? If I admit to breaking a window, they may think I'm a burglar.

Yours faithfully,
Aubrey

 

[Drago]

Dear Tie Dye,

I understand that chocolate orange is a euphemism.

In actual fact you became highly around and shoved your schlong up the tailpipe and are now stuck.

We can't find a solution until you start being honest with us.