Uncle Drago's agony column

[raleighnut]

I'm sorry Mr Mad Dog, it was Bkdger made me do it!

It's no use trying to weasel out of it, the contract has gone out and the moggie posse can't be mollified they are looking forward to it too much.

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

With a few tenners placed in the right pocket, I managed to get the cleaner and the hotel to drop the charges.

I'm back home again now with that woman up the road. She did me the honour of accepting my invitation to dinner at my house.

I was just a little concerned that she wanted to pay bail for that Dave character, who has got himself into some sort of bother. Something to do with a child's tricycle. Don't really know the details, but why is putting up his bail money.

Dinner went really well and I really pushed the boat out and did steak and kidney pie and oven chips. I got a lovely bottle of wine from that guy in the corner of the market. You can't go wrong at two quid a bottle. I want to create a good impression after all.

Unfortunately, I just realised the Fray Bentos steak and kidney pie he sold me was best before 12th February, 1998. I thought the tin was a wee bit rusty as I was opening it.

Now I'm paranoid I might have given her food poisoning due to the out of date pie. She ran to the toilet ninety minutes ago and hasn't come back since.

Should I be concerned? Can I be charged with anything?

Regards,
Aubrey

 

[Drago]

Dear Agnes,

The good news is you can tell her "it" is a cure for diarrhoea. Every cloud, eh?

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Dear Agnes,

The good news is you can tell her "it" is a cure for diarrhoea. Every cloud, eh?

Well yes - but I feel I should want you that the bedsheets might need washing afterwards

so best to use her bed in my experience

Hope this helps

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I'm afraid to say that the woman up the road has left me. She accused me of being a cheapskate and giving her food poisoning.

How could she say such a thing? I wanted the best for her and bought her a Fray Bentos pie. How was I supposed to know it was over twenty years out of date?

She also cut up my best suit with a pair of scit and keyed my Granada Ghia before she left. She scored it right down to the fillers.

I worry she's run off with that Dave again?

Do you think there is any way I could win her back again? What would you recommend?

Yours faithfully,
Aubrey

 

[Drago]

Deat Auberge,

This is so sad to hear.

She's one of "those" women, the sort who doesn't like a Ford Gradad Ghia.

There's only one thing that will impress her and bring her crawling back. A mk1 Vauxhall Carlton 1.8 GL.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Deat Auberge,

This is so sad to hear.

She's one of "those" women, the sort who doesn't like a Ford Gradad Ghia.

There's only one thing that will impress her and bring her crawling back. A mk1 Vauxhall Carlton 1.8 GL.

Yea Gods - I know he doesn;t want to look cheap but isn't that going a bit far???

Surely a decent Austin princess with a vinyl roof would impress any woman

 

[Drago]

Dear Meatbeaterwednesday,

Fear not! I have considered the matter and the Carlton makes him look posh but tasteful and discreet.

A Princess is too flash, he'd look like spiv.