Uncle Drago's agony column

[Dave7]

Dear Unc** Drago
**I feel close enough to use the term 'Unc'.
I have wanted to discuss this for some time but tbh I am a tad embarressed.
After reading the thread about "show us your marmalade" I was somewhat taken back to find that it is supposed to be eaten.
I thought it was a sort of herbal jelly and have, for years, been massaging it onto/into my dangly bits in the belief it would enlarge these bits.
The results have been.......
Messy dangly bits.
Messy undies
And
As I like to sunbathe naked I get visited by lots of wasps and other stingy things with the result I get lots of sore lumps and bumps......so bad that when I showed it to an elderly lady in the market she feinted.
So, what should be my course of action?? ie persist in hope or try a different jel ?
Please don't let others read this, especially that Accy chap as his comment can really hurt.

 

[fossyant]

Dear Sir Drago, my mind has been boggled by Master Dave7. Please help.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Dear Unc** Drago
**I feel close enough to use the term 'Unc'.
I have wanted to discuss this for some time but tbh I am a tad embarressed.
After reading the thread about "show us your marmalade" I was somewhat taken back to find that it is supposed to be eaten.
I thought it was a sort of herbal jelly and have, for years, been massaging it onto/into my dangly bits in the belief it would enlarge these bits.
The results have been.......
Messy dangly bits.
Messy undies
And
As I like to sunbathe naked I get visited by lots of wasps and other stingy things with the result I get lots of sore lumps and bumps......so bad that when I showed it to an elderly lady in the market she feinted.
So, what should be my course of action?? ie persist in hope or try a different jel ?
Please don't let others read this, especially that Accy chap as his comment can really hurt.

Did you get stung "down there" one sunny Tuesday last summer?

I think I may have heard you while mowing the lawn

 

[Drago]

Dear Unc** Drago
**I feel close enough to use the term 'Unc'.
I have wanted to discuss this for some time but tbh I am a tad embarressed.
After reading the thread about "show us your marmalade" I was somewhat taken back to find that it is supposed to be eaten.
I thought it was a sort of herbal jelly and have, for years, been massaging it onto/into my dangly bits in the belief it would enlarge these bits.
The results have been.......
Messy dangly bits.
Messy undies
And
As I like to sunbathe naked I get visited by lots of wasps and other stingy things with the result I get lots of sore lumps and bumps......so bad that when I showed it to an elderly lady in the market she feinted.
So, what should be my course of action?? ie persist in hope or try a different jel ?
Please don't let others read this, especially that Accy chap as his comment can really hurt.

Dear Rave,

I would suggest smearing your trouser vegetables with bovril and lowering yourself gently into a tank full of piranhas. This will most assuredly deter you from again risking arrest from wafting your condiment smeared love lolly about in public.

Love,

Unkie Drago.

PS. Say hi to your Mum from me.

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

I wrote a letter to my girlfriend but every time I send it, the postman keeps bringing it back. It has coste a fortune on stamps.

What would you recommend?

Elvis P.

 

[classic33]

Dear Drago,

I wrote a letter to my girlfriend but every time I send it, the postman keeps bringing it back. It has coste a fortune on stamps.

What would you recommend?

Elvis P.

Dear Elvis P.
Have you tried sending your letter by return of post?

Yours
Side Thinker

 

[Drago]

Dear Drago,

I wrote a letter to my girlfriend but every time I send it, the postman keeps bringing it back. It has coste a fortune on stamps.

What would you recommend?

Elvis P.

Dear Eric,

You should bloody well think yourself lucky you're getting any post at all.

Love,

Worshipful Master Drago.

 

[Dave7]

Did you get stung "down there" one sunny Tuesday last summer?

I think I may have heard you while mowing the lawn

Yes I did.
And Wednesday and Thursday.
I think it rained on Friday

 

[Yellow Fang]

Dear Uncle Drago,
My wife does not understand me. She's from Thailand and does not understand English. However she's a great cook and knows every position in the book, so I'm not complaining.

YF

 

[Drago]

Dear ying yang,

Does she have a sister?

Bishop Drago.

 

[welsh dragon]

. Priceless thread. Only just found it.

 

[Dave7]

. Priceless thread. Only just found it.

Why the laughing smileys.....this is a thread for people with serious problems.

 

[Dave7]

Dear ying yang,

Does she have a sister?

Bishop Drago.

Are we sure the she isn't a he ?
Just saying, like.

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

I can't understand why nobody buys my records any more. I am the Peter Pan of pop after all.

Yours sincerely,
C. Richard

 

[Dave7]

Dear Drago,

I can't understand why nobody buys my records any more. I am the Peter Pan of pop after all.

Yours sincerely,
C. Richard

Hang about.....I recently bought your latest record, The Young Ones. I think you might have a hit with that.