Uncle Drago's agony column

[Drago]

Dear Ebony,

I can help people to see your warm and generous spirit by letting you give me all your money.

Yours faithfully,

Professor Drago.

 

[tyred]

Dear Ebony,

I can help people to see your warm and generous spirit by letting you give me all your money.

Yours faithfully,

Professor Drago.

With pleasure. Here is your payment for your service.

You can keep the change.

 

[Bollo]

Dear Uncle Drago,

After years worrying about the gubmint putting a chip in my head, I’ve just let Elon Musk put a chip in my head. Now my eyeballs are asking me for money to renew my “liver subscription”. Should I pay?

 

[Drago]

Dear Bologne,

I'd pay the liver subscription as you need thet to live. However, you can save money on the hair thickening and penis enhancement subscriptions.

Best wishes,

President Drago.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Dear Sweeney Todd Dragcut

Please help! Now me folicles have completely deserted me ol' bonce, they seem to have relocated to me ears, nose and back.

I have tried to plait them, perm them, centre parting, side parting, even a Mohican, but just can't make these other areas look like me head did back in 1975.

Your Hirsute pearls of wisdom sought.

Toshiba Savalas

 

[Drago]

Dear Tony Subcutaneous,

As a fellow chromey I feel your pain. But fear not!

A brave, manly, inspiring and mysterious bald man known only as The Donald has gone before us, blazing a trail of utterly convincing full follicular coverage.

What he does is take a shower and then, while still wet, brushes the hair from his bum crack up his back and into a magnificent combover. Be warned - several litres of hairspray or yacht varnish will be required to keep the topiary in place.

Lovingly yours,

Drago Bulsara.

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

I get really irritated when people step on my blue suede shoes.

How can I prevent this from happening?

Yours sincerely,
E. Presley

 

[Drago]

Dear Enid,

Have you considered hiding them with your liquor in an old fruit jar?

Yours sincerely,

Colonel Drago-Parker.

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Dragon
Why?

Yours
Who

 

[Drago]

Dear Roger Daltrey,

You got that planning permission yet?

Your adoring fan,

Drago

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

I've walked 500 miles, and then I walked 500 more.

Now my shoes are worn out and my feet are blistered. I'm starving. I'm 1,000 miles away from home and have no money to buy food or buy a bus ticket back to Edinburgh.

How do I get out of this awkward situation?


Yours sincerely,
Craig Reid

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago

I recently took one of those DNA tests, the sort done to trace your family history. If you believe what they tell you.

However since the results started being returned, I've found out there's another "me". I'm married to four different women, two on the same day. There's no records of divorce that appear on/in the records.

What would you suggest I do?

Yours, for both of me
Worried

 

[postman]

Dead Classic as Drago has gone to bed early,May I suggest you join Weight Watchers as too much Wedding Cake is bad for cholesterol,and you must cancel your subscription to Mil Only Fans page or you might go blind.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Dear Classic
Just to add another thought to the flames
You should really identify the other ladies (???) and see what they are like

maybe what you really need it Viagra and a more sturdy bed??

Hope this help

ebiker

 

[Drago]

Dear Drago,

I've walked 500 miles, and then I walked 500 more.

Now my shoes are worn out and my feet are blistered. I'm starving. I'm 1,000 miles away from home and have no money to buy food or buy a bus ticket back to Edinburgh.

How do I get out of this awkward situation?


Yours sincerely,
Craig Reid

Dear Clag,

I'm not surprised you're lost wearing those glasses. You'll probably see better without them.

Dear Uncle Drago

I recently took one of those DNA tests, the sort done to trace your family history. If you believe what they tell you.

However since the results started being returned, I've found out there's another "me". I'm married to four different women, two on the same day. There's no records of divorce that appear on/in the records.

What would you suggest I do?

Yours, for both of me
Worried

Dear Wormed,

Thanks for emailing my your new family tree. Of more concern is that our very own dandy, @Accy cyclist , appears to be your father. This would explain quite a bit...


Regards,

Governor Drago