Uncle Drago's agony column

[Dave7]

Dear Uncle Drago.
Once again need your pearls of wisdom.
This is more of a puzzle really.
Today I decided to call on an elderly lady neighbour.
As soon as she opened the door and saw me she swooned and fell to her knees in front of me. I was very shocked.
Could the fact that I was naked have caused this ??
I am at a loss to understand.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Dear Uncle Drago.
Once again need your pearls of wisdom.
This is more of a puzzle really.
Today I decided to call on an elderly lady neighbour.
As soon as she opened the door and saw me she swooned and fell to her knees in front of me. I was very shocked.
Could the fact that I was naked have caused this ??
I am at a loss to understand.

Did she have a stroke??

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Dear Hooker Drags

I see the Six Nations has come round again.

As a gentleman with strangely shaped balls, do you think they'll let me scrum down with them?

Tosh half back in the changing rooms Boy.

 

[Drago]

Dear Totty Bong,

Not only will you get to scrum down with them, but you'll get to flick their bottoms with a wet towel in the communal showers.

Love,

Dame Edna Dragorage.

 

[Drago]

Could the fact that I was naked have caused this ??

Dear Mavis,

I suspect that rohypnol aftershave from the market may be to blame.

Regards,

Screaming Lord Drago.

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

My beloved Transit van has lost its shine and starting to look a little tired. What do you recommend as the best way to make it gleam again?

I've enclosed a photograph so you can understand the problem I face

Yours sincerely,

Henry F.

 

[Drago]

Dear Benny,

A good dollop of T cut rubbed in with one of Accys tweed jackets won't do much for the shine, but will give you something to laugh about when Accy finds out what you're doing.

Bear wishes,

Dr Kildrago.

 

[Jameshow]

Dear Drago,

My beloved Transit van has lost its shine and starting to look a little tired. What do you recommend as the best way to make it gleam again?

I've enclosed a photograph so you can understand the problem I face

View attachment 720902

Yours sincerely,

Henry F.

T cut - just the job!!!

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Dear Drago,

My beloved Transit van has lost its shine and starting to look a little tired. What do you recommend as the best way to make it gleam again?

I've enclosed a photograph so you can understand the problem I face

View attachment 720902

Yours sincerely,

Henry F.

That'll polish out with a bit of t-cut

no problem

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

My best friend is a bit thick.

He does the most crazy things and is clearly unaware of how stupid he is.

He keeps getting me into fine messes.

To top it off, he always seems to mess up my suit and steals my hat.

How can I cope with having such a dumb friend?

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Oliver Hardy.

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

My best friend is a big, fat oaf and a bit of a bully.

He always is undermining me and trying to appear superior to me.

Then he will hit me over the head with my hat.

How can I make him respect me?

Yours,
Stanley Laurel

 

[Drago]

Dear Olive,

Nice moustache. Might I suggest you move to Germwny, where such top lip topiary is very fashionable.


Kind regards

Stumbanfuehrer Drago.

 

[Drago]

Dear Stanley knife,

A career in politics awaits you.

Regards,

Field Marshall Drago.

 

[tyred]

Dear Stanley knife,

A career in politics awaits you.

Regards,

Field Marshall Drago.

Dear Drago,

Thank you for your advice.

I've decided to challenge Rishi Sunak for leadership of the Tory party. I think I'd make an excellent Prime Minister.

Your loyal servent,
Stanley

 

[tyred]

Dear Drago,

I cut my finger on the lid of a spinach tin and it won't stop bleeding.

How can I treat this medical emergency?

Yours,
Popeye.