Uncle Drago's agony column

[Toshiba Boy]

Dear Great Uncle Dragmaster

I keep forgetting whether I'm left or right handed. Can you point me in the right direction?

Horatio N.

 

[Dave7]

Dear Great Uncle Dragmaster

I keep forgetting whether I'm left or right handed. Can you point me in the right direction?

Horatio N.

May I offer this scientifically based suggestion.
Next time you go for a pee use only your right hand. If you find you are peeing over your shoes, the floor and the wall then you are likely left handed.
Doesn't work for me as I need both hands but for lesser mortals it should be OK.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

May I offer this scientifically based suggestion.
Next time you go for a pee use only your right hand. If you find you are peeing over your shoes, the floor and the wall then you are likely left handed.
Doesn't work for me as I need both hands but for lesser mortals it should be OK.

To be honest, I like to play dangerously, and always go "sans" hands. Is this yet another issue I need Unkie Draggies help with?

 

[Dave7]

To be honest, I like to play dangerously, and always go "sans" hands. Is this yet another issue I need Unkie Draggies help with?

Interesting. I tried that but I need 2 hands to get it under control.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

May I offer this scientifically based suggestion.
Next time you go for a pee use only your right hand. If you find you are peeing over your shoes, the floor and the wall then you are likely left handed.
Doesn't work for me as I need both hands but for lesser mortals it should be OK.

Thank you for that

After some experimentation is appears that I am right handed
except for when I have drunk a few pints and a bottle of wine chased down by a few whiskeys when I inexplicably turn left handed

Thanks again for explaining

 

[Dec66]

Dear Uncle Draganchor,

I can't stop drinking.

Should I bother trying?

Regards, Blotto of West Wickham.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Interesting. I tried that but I need 2 hands to get it under control.

Dave "Tiny Hands" 7, many thanks.

 

[Drago]

Dear Great Uncle Dragmaster

I keep forgetting whether I'm left or right handed. Can you point me in the right direction?

Horatio N.

Which hand has the biggest callouses?

Dear Uncle Draganchor,

I can't stop drinking.

Should I bother trying?

Regards, Blotto of West Wickham.

Depends on what you're drinking. Guinness, Babycham, even unleaded petrol is good. The sort of drinks dispensed in accy's favourite type of porn films are definitely worth avoiding.

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I always feel people don't take seriously. All my life, I have been treated like an idiot.

I always seem to find myself in strange situations like holding on to the back of buses whilst wearing roller skates and I think I upset my driving instructor when I crashed his Mini.

I always have difficulty keeping jobs. I can't understand why. I am a genius at DIY and I built a wonderful set for the church Nativity play.

I think even my wife thinks I'm an idiot although I don't understand why.

What can I do to help reach my potential in life?

Yours sincerely,

Frank Spencer.

 

[Drago]

Dear Loony,

I did warn you that Mr Bean was not an instructional driving video.

Regards,

Reverend Drago.

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago, I recently got arrested at an underage drinking party at my mates house.
Is there any chance of getting the charges dropped without my parents finding out. It wasn't a one off, next month it's my turn to hold the party at my parents house and I don't want to let my friends down.

Yours in hope
Dumb Ass

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I would like your advice with a problem I've struggled with for many years.

I accidentally sat on a Van de Graaf generator in the science laboratory at school. Ever since that day, I have a problem with my hair and I always look like I was pulled through a hedge backwards.

I find it rather embarrassing.

What can I do to rectify this embarrassing situation?

Yours faithfully,
Mr. B. Johnson esq., formerly of 10 Downing Street, London.

 

[Poacher]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I would like your advice with a problem I've struggled with for many years.

I accidentally sat on a Van de Graaf generator in the science laboratory at school. Ever since that day, I have a problem with my hair and I always look like I was pulled through a hedge backwards.

I find it rather embarrassing.

What can I do to rectify this embarrassing situation?

Yours faithfully,
Mr. B. Johnson esq., formerly of 10 Downing Street, London.

"Accidentally". Yeah, right!

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I would like your advice with a problem I've struggled with for many years.

I accidentally sat on a Van de Graaf generator in the science laboratory at school. Ever since that day, I have a problem with my hair and I always look like I was pulled through a hedge backwards.

I find it rather embarrassing.

What can I do to rectify this embarrassing situation?

Yours faithfully,
Mr. B. Johnson esq., formerly of 10 Downing Street, London.

Dear Johnboy,

A Van Der Graaf generator, you say?

Shocking.

Love,

Rabbi Drago

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncle Drago, I recently got arrested at an underage drinking party at my mates house.
Is there any chance of getting the charges dropped without my parents finding out. It wasn't a one off, next month it's my turn to hold the party at my parents house and I don't want to let my friends down.

Yours in hope
Dumb Ass

Dear Ass,

I'm sorry to hear about your recent difficulties with the law.

I'd suggest you become a professional athlete and drive through London at great speed, then refuse to stop when officers request you to do do. All charges will be promptly dropped and the officers dismissed.

Regards,

Father Drago.