Uncle Drago's agony column
- Thread starter Drago
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Do you think I should buy a return ticket?
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Dear Uncle Drago,
I have an upcoming gig in Bristol, my good mate Gene Vincent is playing too, we will need to be away to the hotel soon after, do you know of any reliable taxi companies in the area, especially ones with a fleet of Ford Consul Mk2’s, as I think they look smart.
Yours in transit,
Mr E Cochran USA
I have an upcoming gig in Bristol, my good mate Gene Vincent is playing too, we will need to be away to the hotel soon after, do you know of any reliable taxi companies in the area, especially ones with a fleet of Ford Consul Mk2’s, as I think they look smart.
Yours in transit,
Mr E Cochran USA
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Freddie,
Ah, I'm a big fan of Jean Vindent myself. Love her waltzs.
Consuls might be a tall order in 1988. Anyhoo, call 999 and report that some blagger is turning over your drum and has dropped a load of snow and some nice chaps in mk1 Granadas will come flying round to give you a lift to the "Hilton."
Ah, I'm a big fan of Jean Vindent myself. Love her waltzs.
Consuls might be a tall order in 1988. Anyhoo, call 999 and report that some blagger is turning over your drum and has dropped a load of snow and some nice chaps in mk1 Granadas will come flying round to give you a lift to the "Hilton."
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Dear Uncle Drago,
The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine
The fog on the Tyne is all mine,
Can you recommend something to store it in to keep it safe?
Yours lost in a mist
The members of Lindisfarne
The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine
The fog on the Tyne is all mine,
Can you recommend something to store it in to keep it safe?
Yours lost in a mist
The members of Lindisfarne
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Linda Barnes,
I'm sorry, I couldn't understand a word of that because of your accent.
I'm sorry, I couldn't understand a word of that because of your accent.
Dear Senor Drago,
I'm from Barcelona and I come looking for a better life and to improve my English.
I got a job in a hotel in Torquay, but I feel I'm not being treated fairly by the owner. I find him difficult to work to and he keeps banging me over the head with a frying pan. He also really belittles me in front of the guests and gives me xenophobic abuse. He also tried to kill my pet rat.
How can I get job satisfaction from my work?
Yours faithfully,
Manuel,
C/O Fawlty Towers,
Torquay
I'm from Barcelona and I come looking for a better life and to improve my English.
I got a job in a hotel in Torquay, but I feel I'm not being treated fairly by the owner. I find him difficult to work to and he keeps banging me over the head with a frying pan. He also really belittles me in front of the guests and gives me xenophobic abuse. He also tried to kill my pet rat.
How can I get job satisfaction from my work?
Yours faithfully,
Manuel,
C/O Fawlty Towers,
Torquay
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Manual,
The best way of obtaining job satisfaction is to wind up then owner.
So it every inopportune moment you should mention the war and demand a waldorf salad.
The best way of obtaining job satisfaction is to wind up then owner.
So it every inopportune moment you should mention the war and demand a waldorf salad.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Dear Uncle Drago
Got a black magic woman
Got a black magic woman
I've got a black magic woman
Got me so blind, I can't see
That she's a black magic woman
She's trying to make a devil outta me
should I go to the optician for a check up, and is there any medication from the doctor to cure the red skin, horns and goatee beard
Yours Mr Carlos Santana
California USA
Got a black magic woman
Got a black magic woman
I've got a black magic woman
Got me so blind, I can't see
That she's a black magic woman
She's trying to make a devil outta me
should I go to the optician for a check up, and is there any medication from the doctor to cure the red skin, horns and goatee beard
Yours Mr Carlos Santana
California USA
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Careless Sultana,
Man, it's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
Well, I hear you whisper and the words melt everyone
But you stay so cool
My muñequita, my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa
You're my reason for reason
The step in my groove.
Or, you could just put some axle grease on the red skin and smoke some crack.
Man, it's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
Well, I hear you whisper and the words melt everyone
But you stay so cool
My muñequita, my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa
You're my reason for reason
The step in my groove.
Or, you could just put some axle grease on the red skin and smoke some crack.
Dear Drago,
I run a respectable second-hand car dealership in London.
For some reason, my business seems to have developed a bad reputation and the punters are staying away.
How can I improve the reputation of my business? If I could do that, the world would be my lobster.
Yours faithfully,
A. Daly,
C/O The Winchester Club.
I run a respectable second-hand car dealership in London.
For some reason, my business seems to have developed a bad reputation and the punters are staying away.
How can I improve the reputation of my business? If I could do that, the world would be my lobster.
Yours faithfully,
A. Daly,
C/O The Winchester Club.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Andy,
I am sorry to hear of this. Perhaps stop using the Fulham Advertiser as a backing for car body filler in the sills and replacing it with the Tatler would improve your image.
Also, organically grown sawdust is essential for the gearbox.
Pay attention to such detail and your image will be miraculously enhanced.
I am sorry to hear of this. Perhaps stop using the Fulham Advertiser as a backing for car body filler in the sills and replacing it with the Tatler would improve your image.
Also, organically grown sawdust is essential for the gearbox.
Pay attention to such detail and your image will be miraculously enhanced.
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Dear Uncle Drago
In honour of the late, great Geoff Capes, I have decided to take up the Shot Putt, and see whether I can better the great Man's long-standing record.
I have ordered a fetching lycra outfit, and have been practicing my spin, which I can now do beautifully on my hardwood floor, throwing one of my cushions almost to the far end of the living room!
The Shot Putt I ordered has arrived, but the Amazon driver looked somewhat red faced and was breathing hard when he literally dropped it on my front lawn, you should see the indentation on my grass!
Anyway, do you have any training tips for me.
Weedy McWeedboy, Weedleborough
In honour of the late, great Geoff Capes, I have decided to take up the Shot Putt, and see whether I can better the great Man's long-standing record.
I have ordered a fetching lycra outfit, and have been practicing my spin, which I can now do beautifully on my hardwood floor, throwing one of my cushions almost to the far end of the living room!
The Shot Putt I ordered has arrived, but the Amazon driver looked somewhat red faced and was breathing hard when he literally dropped it on my front lawn, you should see the indentation on my grass!
Anyway, do you have any training tips for me.
Weedy McWeedboy, Weedleborough
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Wensleydale,
I have looked at the pictures you sent me. Not good at all. Why you had to be naked when pulling a muscle pose is beyond me,
Anyway, your winky is already miniscule and steroids will likely serve only to make it disappear entirely. Cosmetic surgery, preferably by a builder or qualified welder, is all that will save you.
I have looked at the pictures you sent me. Not good at all. Why you had to be naked when pulling a muscle pose is beyond me,
Anyway, your winky is already miniscule and steroids will likely serve only to make it disappear entirely. Cosmetic surgery, preferably by a builder or qualified welder, is all that will save you.
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