True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Further historical evidence has come to light that Chris Rea was not only visiting Haworth in the 1840's, but as well as turning Branwell into a drug addled alcoholic, he was also having "relations" with Emily, Charlotte & Anne Bronte, as if that wasn't bad enough he would also disappear off to around 1810, where he was also seeing Jane Austen as well

 

[Drago]

The Honey Monster was originally played by Chris Rea, who was paid big money to dye his hair and beard blond. Unfortunately, he was sacked after describing Sugar Puffs as "crap" during a speech at Gerald Ratners 18th Birthday party.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea once built a fully functional replica of the Starship Enterprise's bridge in his back garden.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea worked in an ironmonger's shop at weekends when he was a teenager As a result he can use his sensitive fingers to tell you the exact dimensions of any bolt, easily distinguishing between BS Fine, BS Whitworth and metric threads

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea tried to start a band called "The Slightly Muffled Mufflers," but they disbanded after their first rehearsal due to creative differences about the optimal level of muffling.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris has fallen foul of US President Donald Trump, he signed an executive order against all Smoggie blues players, and imposed Tariffs against northern British blues guitarist, playing Bluegrass Geetar throughout the southern States.Chris is considering his retailotry response, one of those is offering to buy Trumps 'Mar el largo ' lair for a reputed 37 and a half pence, not $Billions , just about 4 bob,

 

[Drago]

It is expected the Donald Trump will cancel the Artemis program and enlist Chris Rea to give astronauts a lift to the moon in the TURDIS. Recent sightings of a mysterious British phone box parked in the middle of the 18th green at Mar a Lago seem to add credence to the rumours.

 

[raleighnut]

Chris has fallen foul of US President Donald Trump, he signed an executive order against all Smoggie blues players, and imposed Tariffs against northern British blues guitarist, playing Bluegrass Geetar throughout the southern States.Chris is considering his retailotry response, one of those is offering to buy Trumps 'Mar el largo ' lair for a reputed 37 and a half pence, not $Billions , just about 4 bob,

Err 37 and a half 1/2p is Seven and sixpence.

I'm one of the generation who was taught LSD and Pounds and Ounces but then aged 9 they said all this shite you've been learning...........forget all that we're going Decimal.............................I also remember my pocket money taking a massive 'hit' in buying power.

 

[Drago]

Following a collision with an E scooter outside St Pancras Station, Chris Rea has had his pancreas removed. He can no longer eat pancakes or travel in a Fiat Panda. His favourite album of pan pipe music is now for sale on eBay. He's dreading the next pandemic.

 

[PeteXXX]

When young, Chris Rea never used to eat his vegetables hence he was not allowed any pudding 🍮

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is the son of a pheasant plucker.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea can mount tubeless tyres by the power of thought alone.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has had to go back to mechanical gears as static discharge from his beard interferes so badly with Di2 it becomes inoperable.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has been banned from Strava because his beard broadcasts spoof GPS signals that enabled him to take multiple KoMs in multiple continents simultaneously

 

[stephec]

Fragments of Chris Rea's beard have been found to be so rare that, when built in to a battery, a Nissan Leaf has so far run for 2000 miles on a single charge, and it's still showing 85% capacity.