True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea has had to go back to mechanical gears as static discharge from his beard interferes so badly with Di2 it becomes inoperable.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has been banned from Strava because his beard broadcasts spoof GPS signals that enabled him to take multiple KoMs in multiple continents simultaneously

 

[stephec]

Fragments of Chris Rea's beard have been found to be so rare that, when built in to a battery, a Nissan Leaf has so far run for 2000 miles on a single charge, and it's still showing 85% capacity.

 

[Drago]

Russian scientist hoping to revive the wooly mammoth are planning to take cells from Chris Rea's beard and implant them into the eggs of an adult African elephant.

They just need to find some scissors sharp enough to enable a hair sample to be taken then they can begin.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea’s beard has time travelled so often, sometimes without him; that if you collect enough hairs to build a guitar, it can form the basis of another time travelling engine.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's beard inspired the Captain Caveman cartoon character. This is why his fans call him Cavey Wavey.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea based his entire image on Dick Dastardly.

It frustrates him enormously when people don't get it. He says "drat, drat and double drat" and they say "I know who you remind me of - that bloke out of Mary Poppins, you know - chim-chimmerney"

 

[DRM]

One of Chris Rea's first time travelling vehicle conversions was not a roaring success, it was an elderly white Fiat Uno, he acquired it "sold as seen, part exchange to clear "from a local Middlesbrough version of Arfur Daly, on it's maiden voyage the Time Circuits were full of bugs as it was the Beta version, instead of appearing in Paris in the time of Louis XIV, it appeared in the Pont De Alma tunnel in 1997, with a large flash on it's appearance it clipped a Mercedes Benz, & we all know what happened next, Chris decided to go to his modern home, put it on a car trailer on the Time Transit where he went to Liverpool in 1912 & hid it in the cargo hold of The RMS Titanic, where it is believed the Auberge Field kept spluttering and attracted an Iceberg to the ship, once again, we all know what happened next.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris once built a Sunbeam Alpine out of chocolate, whilst it may have been fine in the cold wastes of Northumberland , it just couldn't hold it together the further south he drove , and like most Italian cars, it just melted away...he never got over the Humber bridge.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea once met Boney M at a fancy dress party. Rea had gone dressed as a monk, and the costume, his wayward beard and crazy demeanour inspired Boney M to write Rea Rea Rasputin.

 

[classic33]

Rare photo,

 

[DRM]

Rare photo,
View attachment 762753

He's forgotten the invisibility shield again

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was wanted by the police for rampant time vandalism, so the gravel voiced warbler went underground and took a job at a science lab.

The team there had been working on an exhaust additive to reduce diesel emissions, and on the very day they had a finished product a colleague tipped off the police.

The feds came bursting into the lab and the officer in charge marched up to our hero and asked, "You Rea?"

The words were delivered with such force and eloquence that the head of the science team decided to use that as the name of his new product.

So You Rea it was, although the marketing team soon shortened it to U-Rea, and eventually just Urea.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was wanted by the police for rampant time vandalism, so the gravel voiced warbler went underground and took a job at a science lab.

The team there had been working on an exhaust additive to reduce diesel emissions, and on the very day they had a finished product a colleague tipped off the police.

The feds came bursting into the lab and the officer in charge marched up to our hero and asked, "You Rea?"

The words were delivered with such force and eloquence that the head of the science team decided to use that as the name of his new product.

So You Rea it was, although the marketing team soon shortened it to U-Rea, and eventually just Urea.

Where's the groan emoji

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea used to be a crossdresser, and worked part time in the local branch of Tandy.

Every Saturday he'd turn up for work and his less than enlightened workmates would titter behind his back about "Rea's Lipstick."

Rea took Tandy to tribunal and won. As part of the settlement it was agreed that the Northern beardster would be given his own product range and be permitted to keep the profits.

Seeing as it was what started the whole affair our bearded hero named the range "Rea's Lipstick."

Unfortunately, the name was putting off the punters so Tandy sent their staff out with sharpies to change the name on every box to Realistic.