True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Chris did try for a career as a skater with the ' Holiday on ice' troupe, but a nasty slip on Skates ,whilst performing the splits, emasculated him, so in order to preserve his other 'Albert Hall' , he had to give up his ice dancing career.
Even now he shudders when offered a raspberry ripple ice cream !

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was due to appear in the original Shake N Vac advert, but got his beard caught in the vacuum cleaner during filming.

In addition, his gravelly rendition of the Shake N Vac song sounded enough like Lou Reed's Perfect Day that the producers were worried about having to pay royalties each time the ad aired.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea had high hopes that his appearance as "Alien No. 3" in the Smash adverts would invigorate his lacklustre acting career, but it was not to be.

 

[DRM]

Further historical evidence has come to light that Chris Rea was not only visiting Haworth in the 1840's, but as well as turning Branwell into a drug addled alcoholic, he was also having "relations" with Emily, Charlotte & Anne Bronte, as if that wasn't bad enough he would also disappear off to around 1810, where he was also seeing Jane Austen as well

 

[Drago]

The Honey Monster was originally played by Chris Rea, who was paid big money to dye his hair and beard blond. Unfortunately, he was sacked after describing Sugar Puffs as "crap" during a speech at Gerald Ratners 18th Birthday party.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea once built a fully functional replica of the Starship Enterprise's bridge in his back garden.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea worked in an ironmonger's shop at weekends when he was a teenager As a result he can use his sensitive fingers to tell you the exact dimensions of any bolt, easily distinguishing between BS Fine, BS Whitworth and metric threads

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea tried to start a band called "The Slightly Muffled Mufflers," but they disbanded after their first rehearsal due to creative differences about the optimal level of muffling.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris has fallen foul of US President Donald Trump, he signed an executive order against all Smoggie blues players, and imposed Tariffs against northern British blues guitarist, playing Bluegrass Geetar throughout the southern States.Chris is considering his retailotry response, one of those is offering to buy Trumps 'Mar el largo ' lair for a reputed 37 and a half pence, not $Billions , just about 4 bob,

 

[Drago]

It is expected the Donald Trump will cancel the Artemis program and enlist Chris Rea to give astronauts a lift to the moon in the TURDIS. Recent sightings of a mysterious British phone box parked in the middle of the 18th green at Mar a Lago seem to add credence to the rumours.

 

[raleighnut]

Chris has fallen foul of US President Donald Trump, he signed an executive order against all Smoggie blues players, and imposed Tariffs against northern British blues guitarist, playing Bluegrass Geetar throughout the southern States.Chris is considering his retailotry response, one of those is offering to buy Trumps 'Mar el largo ' lair for a reputed 37 and a half pence, not $Billions , just about 4 bob,

Err 37 and a half 1/2p is Seven and sixpence.

I'm one of the generation who was taught LSD and Pounds and Ounces but then aged 9 they said all this shite you've been learning...........forget all that we're going Decimal.............................I also remember my pocket money taking a massive 'hit' in buying power.

 

[Drago]

Following a collision with an E scooter outside St Pancras Station, Chris Rea has had his pancreas removed. He can no longer eat pancakes or travel in a Fiat Panda. His favourite album of pan pipe music is now for sale on eBay. He's dreading the next pandemic.

 

[PeteXXX]

When young, Chris Rea never used to eat his vegetables hence he was not allowed any pudding 🍮

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is the son of a pheasant plucker.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea can mount tubeless tyres by the power of thought alone.