True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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grldtnr
Über Member
For those who don't know ,Chris had a cameo role in the Ch 4 comedy Father Ted......his acting was a bit 'wooly' , some may say 'sheepish', but he did let his beard grow out a bit for the role, shaved it off in the spring.
Illaveago
Guru
- Location
- Chippenham,Wiltshire.
Chris Rea once appeared on stage as part of a trio signing "I Am the One and Only!"
The next day many of the audience went to Spec Savers!
The next day many of the audience went to Spec Savers!
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
James Cameron originally cast Chris Rea as the romantic lead in the movie Titanic. His last minute replacement by the obviously inferior Leonardo di Caprio had a whiff of corruption about it.
Chris put on a brave face and maintained that the alternative role that he was given , that of Fifth Drowning Man was as challenging and satisfying a role as he had ever undertaken, even though it did not appear in the final cut of the movie.
Chris put on a brave face and maintained that the alternative role that he was given , that of Fifth Drowning Man was as challenging and satisfying a role as he had ever undertaken, even though it did not appear in the final cut of the movie.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea had originally been chosen over Brando to play Don Vito Corleone in The Godfather. This came to nought when Rea refused to shave his trademark beard.
To this day Rea still puts on the deep gravelly voice of the mafia don instead of his own rather squeaky tones with a northern accent.
To this day Rea still puts on the deep gravelly voice of the mafia don instead of his own rather squeaky tones with a northern accent.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
During his appearance on Desert Island Discs Chris Rea chose a beard-net as his luxury item.
twentysix by twentyfive
Clinging on tightly
- Location
- Over the Hill
Chris Rea has a special section of his beard set aside for nature. This year he had a pair of sparrows nesting.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Chris Rea has reported that he went back to 1st March 1900, Natal Province, South Africa, it was here that for once the Time Machine functioned perfectly, this allowed him to witness the Relief of Ladysmith, he saw Lord Dundonald & Winston Churchill enter Ladysmith, followed by thousands of British Soldiers, on his return he reported that Ladysmith was relieved, and felt much better for the entry of all these British Troops, but not as relieved as Chris was that the Turdis had worked this time
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Chris Rea has spent the last few months on the road, looking for his Guru, Drago.
All he had to go on was that Guru Drags lived somewhere called Poshshire.
As such, our Chris has travelled the length and breadth of this fair country, visiting ever descending counties on his posh scale
Imagine his shock, when he heard, via intense meditation, that Guru Draggy actually lived in Northamptonshire, yes, Northamptonshire!
As he did a 3 point turn in the road, I'll leave you to work out which of his hits he put on the cassette player in his VW van.
All he had to go on was that Guru Drags lived somewhere called Poshshire.
As such, our Chris has travelled the length and breadth of this fair country, visiting ever descending counties on his posh scale
Imagine his shock, when he heard, via intense meditation, that Guru Draggy actually lived in Northamptonshire, yes, Northamptonshire!
As he did a 3 point turn in the road, I'll leave you to work out which of his hits he put on the cassette player in his VW van.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea was recently caught by the dibble riding an illegal high performance ebike. Once stopped he hastily removed the battery st the roadside and ate it, but the dibble still sent him off to court.
One unintended consequence of this is that he has to be very careful what type of toilet paper he uses. Anything too rough or with a high tin foil content causes sparks to burn his ring.
One unintended consequence of this is that he has to be very careful what type of toilet paper he uses. Anything too rough or with a high tin foil content causes sparks to burn his ring.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Speaking of Sparks, there is actually only one Mael brother, and his name is Walter. The other one is Chris Rea. They swap roles. Sometimes Chris plays Ron and Walter plays Russel. Sometimes the other way round.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea went back to 1982 to indulge his passion for military history.
However, while entering the exclusion zone from the SW the faulty flux capacitor on his time machine backfired, and the resulting intense Auberge field blew the bow off the General Belgrano.
In order to hide this mess he nipped back to 1941 and altered history by ensuring the Belgrano, then the USS Phoenix, was sunk at Pearl Harbour.
However, while entering the exclusion zone from the SW the faulty flux capacitor on his time machine backfired, and the resulting intense Auberge field blew the bow off the General Belgrano.
In order to hide this mess he nipped back to 1941 and altered history by ensuring the Belgrano, then the USS Phoenix, was sunk at Pearl Harbour.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chris Rea, then a librarian, stumbled upon a portaloo that transported him to Victorian England. While there, he accidentally insulted Queen Victoria during a public event. His words sparked outrage and led to a series of political upheavals that ultimately culminated in the Boer War. His actions, though well-intentioned, had far-reaching consequences, including the loss of countless lives and the devastation of a nation. Chris was left grappling with the guilt of his unintentional actions, realising the power of even the smallest interference in the grand tapestry of history. But he was addicted and soon back on the portaloo.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's TURDIS collided with a spacecraft in 1970. The TURDIS received damage to its cloaking system and now forever remains a portaloo in appearance, while Apollo 13 just managed to make it back to Earth safely.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
This is where history has been reported incorrectly. The words spoke were “Houston we have a portaloo”. But ground control thought thst can’t be right and changed portaloo to problem.
