True Facts About Chris Rea

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea, then a librarian, stumbled upon a portaloo that transported him to Victorian England. While there, he accidentally insulted Queen Victoria during a public event. His words sparked outrage and led to a series of political upheavals that ultimately culminated in the Boer War. His actions, though well-intentioned, had far-reaching consequences, including the loss of countless lives and the devastation of a nation. Chris was left grappling with the guilt of his unintentional actions, realising the power of even the smallest interference in the grand tapestry of history. But he was addicted and soon back on the portaloo.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS collided with a spacecraft in 1970. The TURDIS received damage to its cloaking system and now forever remains a portaloo in appearance, while Apollo 13 just managed to make it back to Earth safely.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

This is where history has been reported incorrectly. The words spoke were “Houston we have a portaloo”. But ground control thought thst can’t be right and changed portaloo to problem.

 

[Drago]

This is where history has been reported incorrectly. The words spoke were “Houston we have a portaloo”. But ground control thought thst can’t be right and changed portaloo to problem.

Post of the day right there.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea, rabid military history buff, used the TURDIS to visit Wolf's Lair in 1944.

A backfire of the Auberge Field caused an almighty explosion which the Fuhrer was lucky to survive. Rea quickly dematerialised before any witnesses could spot him, and the blame fell squarely upon Colonel Von Stauffenboug, the famous Jew Basher of Jena.

The poor colonel, pleading his innocence to the end, was executed, and thus Rea inadvertently ridded Hitler of one of his most fanatical officers, shortening the war by two years.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea travelled back to September 8th 1900, appearing over Galveston, Texas, the spin of the Time Machines arrival followed by three huge backfires in quick succession created a massive storm and a 140 mph tornado, that destroyed the island, demolishing 3600 houses and 600 businesses, leaving debris strewn over 1900 acres, between 6-8000 people perished, the governor of Texas sent a posse out to find the culprit, and there is still a live Wanted Dead or Alive warrant out on Chris, he mentioned his trip to Jon BonJovi who was inspired to write the hit song Wanted Dead or Alive

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea, an avid aviation geek, used the TURDIS to visit the 1973 Paris air show.

In an attempt to stay anonymous he dematerialised in a cloud. Nevertheless, the pilot of the Tupolev Tu-144 spotted the TURDIS and took emergency action to avoid a collision. Sadly this overloaded the airframe, causing the 144 to break up in flight and crash.

 

[rogerzilla]

David Lynch is directing a film about the life of Chris Rea. It will include a dwarf driving a Caterham Seven, a talking parmo, and a dimly-lit scene with Chris and twelve topless strippers against a red velvet backdrop.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is an inveterate prankster. He and the TURDIS are responsible for the Roswell incident and every single sigthing of Nessie.

 

[Bonefish Blues]

Rea was god's inspiration for the aubergine.

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea was the inspiration for Charles Bronson's character, Paul Kersey, in the Death Wish films after a neighbour accidentally ran over his hamster.

 

[Drago]

Due to his rampant misuse of his time machine, Chris Rea no longer knows how old he really is.

 

[Illaveago]

Chris Rea was the actual person who posed for the Dutch painting "The Laughing Cavalier". Not many people know this and don't realise that this is how Chris likes to dress at home .

 

[Drago]

Thanks to his time machine Chris Rea dated Mona Lisa for a while. Early sketches had her smoking an Embassy No10.

 

[Illaveago]

Chris Rea has been a long time fan of Sylvester Stallone and frequently goes to Rocky Horror shows hoping to see him among the cast .