True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

The observant among you will notice that Chris Rea, beloved gravel voiced warbler, now has a shorter beard than in past years.

This is due to his beard being badly scorched by the SAS at the Iranian Embassy siege.

 

[Illaveago]

Chris Rea often gets confused with Ricky Tomlinson and receives sackfuls of his fan mail each week. Poor Chris now just signs his photos Love Ricky and sends them back.

 

[Drago]

Margaret Thatcher was a huge fan of Chris Rea, even going as far as sending the paras into battle in the Falklands with Fool (if You Think Its Over) blasting from loudspeakers to inspire the British and strike fear into the hearts of the Argentinian conscripts.

She was enchanted by the Road to Hell and had the M25 constructed to the specifications described in the song.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris

 

[grldtnr]

Chris

View attachment 743716

For those who don't know ,Chris had a cameo role in the Ch 4 comedy Father Ted......his acting was a bit 'wooly' , some may say 'sheepish', but he did let his beard grow out a bit for the role, shaved it off in the spring.

 

[Illaveago]

Chris Rea once appeared on stage as part of a trio signing "I Am the One and Only!"
The next day many of the audience went to Spec Savers!

 

[Dogtrousers]

James Cameron originally cast Chris Rea as the romantic lead in the movie Titanic. His last minute replacement by the obviously inferior Leonardo di Caprio had a whiff of corruption about it.

Chris put on a brave face and maintained that the alternative role that he was given , that of Fifth Drowning Man was as challenging and satisfying a role as he had ever undertaken, even though it did not appear in the final cut of the movie.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea had originally been chosen over Brando to play Don Vito Corleone in The Godfather. This came to nought when Rea refused to shave his trademark beard.

To this day Rea still puts on the deep gravelly voice of the mafia don instead of his own rather squeaky tones with a northern accent.

 

[Drago]

During his appearance on Desert Island Discs Chris Rea chose a beard-net as his luxury item.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Chris Rea has a special section of his beard set aside for nature. This year he had a pair of sparrows nesting.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has reported that he went back to 1st March 1900, Natal Province, South Africa, it was here that for once the Time Machine functioned perfectly, this allowed him to witness the Relief of Ladysmith, he saw Lord Dundonald & Winston Churchill enter Ladysmith, followed by thousands of British Soldiers, on his return he reported that Ladysmith was relieved, and felt much better for the entry of all these British Troops, but not as relieved as Chris was that the Turdis had worked this time

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea has spent the last few months on the road, looking for his Guru, Drago.

All he had to go on was that Guru Drags lived somewhere called Poshshire.

As such, our Chris has travelled the length and breadth of this fair country, visiting ever descending counties on his posh scale

Imagine his shock, when he heard, via intense meditation, that Guru Draggy actually lived in Northamptonshire, yes, Northamptonshire!

As he did a 3 point turn in the road, I'll leave you to work out which of his hits he put on the cassette player in his VW van.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was recently caught by the dibble riding an illegal high performance ebike. Once stopped he hastily removed the battery st the roadside and ate it, but the dibble still sent him off to court.

One unintended consequence of this is that he has to be very careful what type of toilet paper he uses. Anything too rough or with a high tin foil content causes sparks to burn his ring.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Speaking of Sparks, there is actually only one Mael brother, and his name is Walter. The other one is Chris Rea. They swap roles. Sometimes Chris plays Ron and Walter plays Russel. Sometimes the other way round.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea went back to 1982 to indulge his passion for military history.

However, while entering the exclusion zone from the SW the faulty flux capacitor on his time machine backfired, and the resulting intense Auberge field blew the bow off the General Belgrano.

In order to hide this mess he nipped back to 1941 and altered history by ensuring the Belgrano, then the USS Phoenix, was sunk at Pearl Harbour.