True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea formed Blur to get back at Oasis for swearing at him at the Brit Awards. The Blur song, The Gallagher Brothers are a Pair of Bellends was Rea's first composition for the band and shot to number 1.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chris Rea is the father of Liam Gallagher. Whilst sparring with light sabers he said the immortal words “Liam, I am your father”. George Lucas on hearing this, stole it, changed the characters name to Luke, and The Empire Strikes Back was born.
Grant Fondo
Guru
- Location
- Cheshire
Liam and Noel Gallagher have chosen Chris to support them on their 2025 reunion tour, but he wasn't the first choice.
Peter Andre was unavailable as still doing a 40 year stretch in a Turkish prison.
Madness initially agreed but wouldn't play outside the north circular road.
The Wurzels declined due to next summer's concert dates being prime tractor stealing season.
So, two legendary acts will play and luckily the last August dates in Ireland give Chris plenty of time in the (non too reliable) Cortina to head back to the North East by December.
Peter Andre was unavailable as still doing a 40 year stretch in a Turkish prison.
Madness initially agreed but wouldn't play outside the north circular road.
The Wurzels declined due to next summer's concert dates being prime tractor stealing season.
So, two legendary acts will play and luckily the last August dates in Ireland give Chris plenty of time in the (non too reliable) Cortina to head back to the North East by December.
Hover Fly
Lazy so and so
- Location
- Besides the lake, beneath the trees
Chris Rea (the American survivalist, not the singer) filled my hovercraft with eels.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea recently auctioned off his collection of 4 Henry VIII fancy dress costumes. He raised £25.20 for charity.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's malfunctioning time machine is responsible for the heads of two of Henry VIII's wives heads falling off, and not the headsmans axe as it taught in school.
grldtnr
Über Member
No, not at all, seeing as you started this thread.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea is a member of CycleChat and has even posted on this thread. It's believed he lives in Accrington, but beyond that factoid we haven't been able to identify him.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chris Rea lands in Sparta in 404 BC and for a laugh exclaims “I’m Spartacus”. The rest is history.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
During a rainy night in Decomber 1974 Lord Lucan was desperately trying to fight off the burglars that had violently invaded his home.
At that moment Chris Rea arrived in his time machine as he he'd been invited round by Lucan for a fame of nomination whist.
The time machine materialised above the burglars and the Auberge Field vapourised them instantly.
With no proof the burglars had ever existed Lucan knew he would be in trouble with the law, so Rea gave a lift back to WW1 where he got a job high up in the Kaiser's government.
At that moment Chris Rea arrived in his time machine as he he'd been invited round by Lucan for a fame of nomination whist.
The time machine materialised above the burglars and the Auberge Field vapourised them instantly.
With no proof the burglars had ever existed Lucan knew he would be in trouble with the law, so Rea gave a lift back to WW1 where he got a job high up in the Kaiser's government.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
In the early 80s Chris Rea borrowed a horse from his friend the Aga Khan for a quick ride.
To this day Chris swears that he returned Shergar in good condition and anything that happened to the horse afterwards is nothing to do with him.
To this day Chris swears that he returned Shergar in good condition and anything that happened to the horse afterwards is nothing to do with him.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Chri Rea recently took the Time Machine back to South Africa, 22nd July 1879, he noted a large crowd of very agitated Zulu Warriors, with spears, shields and some very old rifles, a sudden small backfire from the Turdis frightened the Zulus who then ran away, but also towards several British men in smart red jackets, the ensuing fracas proved to be a disaster for the British, ending in a massacre, Chris got the Turdis away quickly, recently discovered documents show Queen Victoria was definitely not amused and ordered that “That Northern Ar*# needs locking up, find him and put him in nick, now” Chris tries to avoid Victorian times as much as possible now
