True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Chris Rea‘s research into the early days of Rock music continues unabated, he recently appeared in Lubbock, Texas, 1952, where he met one Charles Hardin Holley, known to his friends as Buddy, Chris chatted with Buddy and as usual asked if he could play some songs with him, Chris went to get his Fender Stratocaster out of the Turdis, Buddy Holly was immediately taken with the instrument and the sound it made, and Chris thinking quickly said it was an experimental model, as they wouldn’t be available until 1954, Chris advised Buddy to get one but don’t ever modify it, it’ll be worth a fortune when you retire, cos you’re gonna be huge, sadly the Turdis set off prematurely just as Chris was telling Buddy, don’t get on a private plane in February 1959, so Buddy never got to hear this important message

 

[grldtnr]

Chris did in fact join Henry’s royal court for 6 months. But Henry didn’t realise Chris was heading back to the 24th century each night and only heading back to the court once a month arriving the next morning. The length of Chris’ goatee changing each day, caused no end of court gossip.

Why the 24th century ,what's going on there? I probably can't be told coz I'd change the course of history....... But no reason why Chris Rea can, just coz it's got the TurdiLoo time traveling machine

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has vowed that next time he nips back in time to go on a bender with John Bonham he'll be sure to lay him on his front.

 

[grldtnr]

Due to his misuse of the TURDIS, Chris tried to get the lead of Jack Ford on 'When the boat comes in', this went to James Bolam, of course due to his more accurate authentic Geordie Lad accent, .this of course so enraged Wor' Chris that he vowed never to watch anything that James Bolam has acted in since, such is his bitterness,.
He has even gone so far as to trash every Postie bike, by materialising his mystic portorloo on top of , mashing them to bits ,on account of James Bolams' portrayal of the 'Missing Postman' a role he coverted so much,as he thought he had just the right amount of pathos for the role, this is why the GPO stopped using postie bikes,as Chris trashed so many

 

[Drago]

In the opening titles of 70s hard-man drama, The Professionals, the clip of a Ford Granada bursting through a plate glass window is actually Chris Rea's TURDIS in cloaking mode.

Rea was a big fan of 70's tough guy TV drama and was thrilled to bits to be a tiny part of the show.

Not only that, but in series 3 he had a bit part as "dark skinned bad guy terrorist type #4" in the episode Dark Skinned Bad Guy Terrorist Types Conspire to do Something Bad.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Scholars are puzzled by this renaissance painting. But we know who it is.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea was a favourite presenter on beloved children's TV show "Play School", although to avoid affecting his burgeoning music career he always used the pseudonym "Humpty". The series ended under a cloud following allegations of improper conduct between Humpty and fellow star, Hamble.

Scholars believe the famous Play School clock and journeys through various shaped "windows" were inspired by the operation of Chris Rea's time machine.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Chris Rea's time machine is exactly correct twice in every 24 hours.

 

[Drago]

Famous screen scientist, Bernard Quatermass, was originally conceived to investigate the many mysterious sightings of what we know to be Chris Rea's TURDIS.

 

[Moon bunny]

Chris Rea is, at this very moment, up on the roof of York Minster, the Archbishop is trying to lure him down with a ham and pineapple pizza.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea is the founder the UK 'Cagney & Lacey fan club'.

He can do a passable impression of Harvey Lacey, and secretly wishes he'd been in the cast. It's likely he'll use his time machine to do something about it.

 

[grldtnr]

Well he missed out on 'When the boat comes in' , little or no chance with Cagney & Lacey'

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has vowed never to leave the TURDIS unattended again after a visit to wartime Berlin , whereupon he returned to find Hitler had built a bunker inside it.

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea is thinking of converting the turdis to hybrid power in an attempt to reduce the amount of benefit in kind tax that he has to pay on it.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS is in council tax band F.