True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Being a huge fan of Blues music, Chris Rea went back to Mississippi, with a view to meeting Robert Johnson, in the early 20th century , he arrived at a crossroads where upon arrival he stepped out of the Turdis and introduced himself to Robert, asked for an autograph and could he and Robert jam together, however a local nosey Parker spotted the pair, and as time travel in a plastic portable loo is a hot & sweaty business, the observer saw a red skinned man with a goatee beard playing guitar with Robert and then getting a signature from him, ran back to town and told everyone there that he’d just seen that young Robert Johnson, down at the crossroads selling his soul to the devil, in exchange for guitar lessons, further confirmed when Robert Johnson performed Stainsby Girls at a local juke joint.
The myth persists to this day that the Devil gave Robert Johnson his guitar skills

 

[grldtnr]

I recollect that the 'Devil ' went down to Georgia, and showed someone how it's done, your pretty good old son.
OR was it really Chris Rea?

 

[lazybloke]

23andme have discovered that Chris Rea is only 98% human.

 

[Dogtrousers]

When he was a young man Chris Rea bit a radioactive spider. It developed the ability to sing the blues, but being a spider it was very difficult to hear.

 

[DRM]

Further to Chris Rea’s time travel research into Blues music, he went back to meet Howlin’ Wolf, this was another successful visit, but the initial appearance of the Turdis, and the manner of it’s arrival was inspiration for the song Smokestack Lightning, most people thought the song was about a train, but it was a description of the Smoking, sparking Turdis, indeed the riff that repeats through the song is the same rhythm the Turdis makes as the power builds to go elsewhere,

 

[slow horse]

I recognised Chris Rea in a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting where I was taking notes for a friend who couldn't make it. He provided such graphic detail of his exploits that 3 people vomited and 4 fainted. I know I'm not supposed to judge, but he seemed disgustingly pleased with himself.

 

[lazybloke]

I recognised Chris Rea in a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting where I was taking notes for a friend who couldn't make it. He provided such graphic detail of his exploits that 3 people vomited and 4 fainted. I know I'm not supposed to judge, but he seemed disgustingly pleased with himself.

This really disturbing thing is using his Turdis to visit himself for booty calls; and on every birthday he brings multiple selfs together for an orgy.

 

[slow horse]

I'll never listen to 'And you my love' the same way again.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A piece of parchment with the lyrics to “I would walk 500 miles..” has been uncovered in Pompeii. Archaeologists are astonished. Readers of this thread know who is to blame, and did a volcano really erupt?

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was visiting German in Decmeber 1945 when the unexpected materialistic of the TURDIS caused a car to swerve, mortally wounding one of the occupants.

Many believe the death of General Patton was a commie plot, but we know better.

 

[lazybloke]

In the late 80s, Chris Rea used his TURDIS to travel to Indonesia for a short break, but an error in calculating the required strength and polarity of auberge field meant he materialised 15 years into the future and deep underground beneath Aceh; triggering a massive earthquake and tsunami.

Horrified by the resulting destruction, Rea returned home and wrote a new song "The Road to Hell". The title refers to the difficulty of negotiating the temporal vortex; the lyrics reference themes of death by drowning.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea has never thrown anything off Tallahassee Bridge. Nor has he ever left his cake out in the rain.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was present at the assassination of JFK.

He was on the grassy knoll.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting where I was taking notes for a friend

Yeah right

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea played a legendary set at Woodstock 69 before returning home to Sunday Lunch with his parents. When Chris appeared 20 years later , at the fall of the Berlin Wall, looking exactly the same, the Hippies just thought it was the Acid.