Things you'd like to say, but can't

[Fnaar]

Only if you can handle extreme sarcasm, my impressive lipstick collection, dog obsession, willing to feed me cheesecake, and never question my rum drinking habits. @Fnaar

Charlotte Button, Charlotte Button
I write lots of smut and
Romantically currently free.
Miss Goodbody's ghost
Haunts many a post
But she's a figment of the imagination of me.

You may be much younger
But for your heart I hunger
Geographical distance is great.
But I'm plighting my troth
For the good of us both
And erm... I have a track pump.

 

[Tim Hall]

Blimey. Do I need to buy a hat?

 

[wheresthetorch]

Hehe, I am not in a disguise...sorry...not your wife....you can relax!

Phew!

 

[Nigel-YZ1]

So you trade in an Astra that needs a clutch and has an oil leak. It's a Vauxhall so the clutch will be easy, and the oil leak will be cam cover or sump gasket (as with all Vauxhalls since Adam was a lad) - cheap as chips.
1. For farks sake you accepted £100 for trade in!! Are you barking!!
2. You bought a Corsa!! The same bloody engines in a smaller box.
3. When you're done, and this one costs you a fortune for every nut and bolt at the dealership, try ringing me!

 

[Lavender Rose]

How am I today? Well I am at work....I would rather be on a yacht in the Caribbean being fanned and fed grapes by Ryan Gosling, but I am here talking to you...

 

[Saluki]

Do not shut the door to the archive room while I am in it. I don't like small spaces which is why I left the door open and I left the door to the main office open too, so I could have a clear view out of this bloody box room. Do not belittle me because of my 'stupid, pathetic' phobia for if you do, next time I rescue you from a spider in your office I will drop it in your lap!

*Actually, I did say something very much along those lines.

 

[TheDoctor]

Yes, I know everyone else is in the same boat.
But we didn't build the boat. We're just the poor buggers keeping it afloat...

 

[raleighnut]

Do not shut the door to the archive room while I am in it. I don't like small spaces which is why I left the door open and I left the door to the main office open too, so I could have a clear view out of this bloody box room. Do not belittle me because of my 'stupid, pathetic' phobia for if you do, next time I rescue you from a spider in your office I will drop it in your lap!

*Actually, I did say something very much along those lines.

 

[gbb]

'Dear God !!!! What an utter load of old cr@p acting'

Coronation Street.
Liz .... utter rubbish actress.
The vicar and wassisname attempting to console each other while waiting for news about someone in hospital....utter rubbish, desperate rubbish acting.

I'd like to say it but my wife keeps cutting me short....shurrup she says...im watching it

Dear God Almighty

 

[Salad Dodger]

Don't muck about mixing several part pots of paint, to make a colour that you can't replicate if you don't have enough.
Don't agonize on what colour to paint it, from the bewildering array of possibilities available at the D I Y store. Just paint the room the same colour as it is now.
Your dad won't notice anyway. He is too ill to notice.
Just keep it simple, buy a big pot of magnolia and go over what's already on the walls. It will be clean and tidy, and we might actually get the flat decorated before he moves in, or pegs out........

 

[Lavender Rose]

Yes, I admit, I am not even sorry that I can't let your gobby, entitled millennial child in, but I have to abide by the rules...

 

[gbb]

'Will SOMEONE please formulate a set of rules everyone can abide by..i don't care which it is...but let's all play the same game....please '

Never mind middle lane drivers, you see more and more 3rd out of 4 lane drivers, they just sit there, not slow, steadfastly refusing to even move into lane 2.

I've realised. ..and I'm a move to the left lane as soon as appropriate driver...that actually you can see why some drivers lane hog, it's proportionally safer, no manoeuvres to make, no risk of confusion for the driver him/her self...just a slight increase in risk for everyone else.

I don't know whether to hate them, shrug my shoulders or what.

 

[Mrs M]

Your every pore oozes negativity.
When you skulk around there’s a big black cloud above your head
Each time I sense your presence I try to fight it off but you try so hard to share the misery.
If you want to wail in it; then knock yourself out, just go elsewhere (please).

 

[ColinJ]

It would be nice if you contacted your existing loyal customers and offered them the deal that you are offering to new customers. If I hadn't been checking your fibre offer in anticipation of my local cabinet being hooked up next year, I wouldn't have seen how much I could save. At least you did offer it to me as soon as I contacted you. Be assured though that I did notice that your T&C state that I will revert to the old rate in a year's time despite this being a new 18 month contract. I will contact you again in 11.5 months time and have the same online 'chat' again then!

Not a bad investment of 15 minutes - £108 saved!

 

[classic33]

It would be nice if you contacted your existing loyal customers and offered them the deal that you are offering to new customers. If I hadn't been checking your fibre offer in anticipation of my local cabinet being hooked up next year, I wouldn't have seen how much I could save. At least you did offer it to me as soon as I contacted you. Be assured though that I did notice that your T&C state that I will revert to the old rate in a year's time despite this being a new 18 month contract. I will contact you again in 11.5 months time and have the same online 'chat' again then!

Not a bad investment of 15 minutes - £108 saved!

O2 are supposed to be giving free WiFi down the valley.