Give me some dialogue from your day

[Matthew_T]

On Sundays ride with the club. We are now travelling home after just doing 35 miles and have 15 miles left to go. We are heading along a promenade road with diagonal parking in one direction. Me and two other cyclists in front of me have broken away from the bunch and doing about 25mph with a slight tailwind.

The promenade is quite open but every so often there is a building used by cafe's. We are approaching one of said buildings and the two cyclists ahead of me notice a car starting to reverse from the other side of it.
They both shout "Car" but the car continues to reverse. I take it upon myself to give a blast of the airzound. It makes the car stop.

As I tooted the car, one of the cyclists in front did a very good shoulder check to see what had made the noise.
I said to both of them: Just make sure that he knows we're there.
The other cyclist: I thought a car was right on my tail then beeping!
Me: Haha. Well it does sound a lot like a car doesnt it.
Cyclist: It made me jump out of my skin.

Further along we are travelling on the coastal shared use path approaching some people straddling the entire width of the path.

Cyclist in front of me: Ding! Ding! (with his bell).
Me: Beeeeeeeep!
Pedestrians: Argh! Quick move!
Cyclist: Urgh! You made me jump again!
Me: Lol, sorry. I shouldnt have done it behind those people. But its funny to see them jump.
Cyclist: You awful man!
Me:

 

[ComedyPilot]

Agent: Can I have a price and delivery for an XYZ Drive?
Me on email: Certainly - $999.99 and 3-4 days lead time

Time passes.....

Agent emails customer copying me in:

Agent: I have ordered the part from the UK, but will have to clarify when it is going to ship

......

Me getting p*ssed off at doing the job twice reply:

Me: As already quoted once, the lead time is 3-4 days

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

The first three are basic directions in which we can move are up/down, left/right, and forward/backward the four is time, The rest we are unable to perceive

The M25? The Circle Line? Swindon?

 

[TVC]

Me: I've finished winding that sample transformer, it took most of the day, but it came together OK in the end.
Engineer: I think I forgot to mention the thermocouples for the heat run.
Me: Er? you did
Engineer: Sorry.
Me: That's me sorted for tomorrow then, another sample with thermocouples wound in.
Engineer: Sorry

 

[gbb]

Me: I've finished winding that sample transformer, it took most of the day, but it came together OK in the end.
Engineer: I think I forgot to mention the thermocouples for the heat run.
Me: Er? you did
Engineer: Sorry.
Me: That's me sorted for tomorrow then, another sample with thermocouples wound in.
Engineer: Sorry

Good place to work VC ?...all the rewinders (errr, thats three) i ever dealt with all seemed really relaxed places, they were always chatty and good humoured.

Mine today..
While stood chatting with a guy about the football, he threw in something along the lines of...
'I know i'm a United supporter, but...'
I butt in...'ah well, we've all got our crosses to bear'

 

[Mr Finch]

Phone rings
Colleague shouts at the phone "F### Off"
then picks up the phone and says in a pleasant voice
" Hello how can i help"

We do this far too much in my office.

 

[Mr Finch]

The one I quoted, shouting at the phone and then picking it up and being all nice and polite about it.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Ride into work: Time to go home: Colleague and I, both without waterproofs.
Colleague, bike next to him: "you're aff your heid, you're going out in that! I'm gonna wait till it stops.
Me: " Ach, it's only a wee bit of warm water, I borrowed a jacket from staffing, go get one, let's be on our way or we gonna stay here overnight"
Colleague: "you're aff your heid!"
Me: "Look, out there, a cyclist, I'm away"
Colleague: "You're crazy, I've got 3 miles to go"
Me: "well, I've got 5! 'cmon, there's another cyclist, look ..."
Colleague: "I don't feel reassured at all ...."

 

[ColinJ]

This one is from 2004, but it stuck in my mind, for obvious reasons.

Old friend: "So how are your parents, Colin, it's ages since I last saw them?"

ColinJ: "Ah, I forgot that you don't know ... My dad died at the end of last year. My mum is still grieving - they were married for 62 years so it's a huge loss to her!"

Old friend: "So, is your dad driving much these days?"

ColinJ (glaring, and in a deep growling voice): "Not much, he's still ferkin' dead!"

 

[Matthew_T]

This one is from 2004, but it stuck in my mind, for obvious reasons.

Old friend: "So how are your parents, Colin, it's ages since I last saw them?"

ColinJ: "Ah, I forgot that you don't know ... My dad died at the end of last year. My mum is still grieving - they were married for 62 years so it's a huge loss to her!"

Old friend: "So, is your dad driving much these days?"

ColinJ (glaring, and in a deep growling voice): "Not much, he's still ferkin' dead!"

I want to laugh but I know I shouldnt.

 

[ColinJ]

I want to laugh but I know I shouldnt.

I didn't laugh at the time, but time is a great healer! Why did he bother to ask the question if he wasn't interested in the answer?

 

[fossyant]

Further along we are travelling on the coastal shared use path approaching some people straddling the entire width of the path.

Cyclist in front of me: Ding! Ding! (with his bell).
Me: Beeeeeeeep!
Pedestrians: Argh! Quick move!
Cyclist: Urgh! You made me jump again!
Me: Lol, sorry. I shouldnt have done it behind those people. But its funny to see them jump.
Cyclist: You awful man!
Me:

Do that to me and my family on that path and you'd get a gobful. It's not a road, it's shared use, therefore wait for pedestrians to move. Ignorant thing to do and gets all cyclists a bad name. I ride and walk on there regularly.

 

[Matthew_T]

Do that to me and my family on that path and you'd get a gobful. It's not a road, it's shared use, therefore wait for pedestrians to move. Ignorant thing to do and gets all cyclists a bad name. I ride and walk on there regularly.

I didnt do it spitefully, I did a little toot. And I normally do it when I am quite a distance behind them so that they have time to move out of the way without rushing. I always thank them anyway.

 

[Night Train]

This one is from 2004, but it stuck in my mind, for obvious reasons.

Old friend: "So how are your parents, Colin, it's ages since I last saw them?"

ColinJ: "Ah, I forgot that you don't know ... My dad died at the end of last year. My mum is still grieving - they were married for 62 years so it's a huge loss to her!"

Old friend: "So, is your dad driving much these days?"

ColinJ (glaring, and in a deep growling voice): "Not much, he's still ferkin' dead!"

I remember a similar one with Islington Council Poll Tax department back in 1991.

Me: Hello, I'd like my brother's name removed from the poll tax record as he died last week.
PT officer: That's no problem. Just get your brother to write to us confirming he is no longer at the address and what his current address is.
Me: I can't do that, he is dead, he died last week.
PT Officer: I can't change the register for a person without their permission.
Me: I can bring his ashes in next week and you can ask him.
PT Officer: There's no need to be difficult about it!
Me (with a raised voice): I'm not the one being difficult! I can't get his f'king permission as he is DEAD! Which bit of DEAD do you not f'king understand!
PT Officer: Security!

 

[Deleted member 20519]

Riding home from school in the cycle path, a womans dog is strolling about all over the place.

Woman: "Toby..!"
Woman: "Toby, come here."
Woman: "TOBY!"
Woman: "Sorry."
Woman: "Toby."

Dog struts over onto the grass.

Woman: "Sorry."
Me: "No problem "