Give me some dialogue from your day

[ColinJ]

I remember a similar one with Islington Council Poll Tax department back in 1991.

Me: Hello, I'd like my brother's name removed from the poll tax record as he died last week.
PT officer: That's no problem. Just get your brother to write to us confirming he is no longer at the address and what his current address is.
Me: I can't do that, he is dead, he died last week.
PT Officer: I can't change the register for a person without their permission.
Me: I can bring his ashes in next week and you can ask him.
PT Officer: There's no need to be difficult about it!
Me (with a raised voice): I'm not the one being difficult! I can't get his f'king permission as he is DEAD! Which bit of DEAD do you not f'king understand!
PT Officer: Security!

Unbelievable isn't it, but unfortunately it still goes on!

 

[TVC]

Good place to work VC ?...all the rewinders (errr, thats three) i ever dealt with all seemed really relaxed places, they were always chatty and good humoured.

Rewinder... Rewinder... excuse me, we are a proper transformer manufacturer. Our handywork can be found in the Type 45 Destroyers, the new Statton Island ferry, at substations across the UK and Europe, most of the signalling on the tube, etc..etc...

Actually, the work is interesting, I'm in charge of all the coil winding, so it's a good mix of man management, technical and supply problem solving, and getting my hands dirty.

 

[subaqua]

It's called 'Re-Booting' isn't it ?

i think its called booting as thats what used to fix old machinery. a well placed size 10

 

[subaqua]

Rewinder... Rewinder... excuse me, we are a proper transformer manufacturer. Our handywork can be found in the Type 45 Destroyers, the new Statton Island ferry, at substations across the UK and Europe, most of the signalling on the tube, etc..etc...

Actually, the work is interesting, I'm in charge of all the coil winding, so it's a good mix of man management, technical and supply problem solving, and getting my hands dirty.

its likely you bought wire from the company my brother delivered for. he used to work for reyton wire.

 

[gbb]

Rewinder... Rewinder... excuse me, we are a proper transformer manufacturer. Our handywork can be found in the Type 45 Destroyers, the new Statton Island ferry, at substations across the UK and Europe, most of the signalling on the tube, etc..etc...

Actually, the work is interesting, I'm in charge of all the coil winding, so it's a good mix of man management, technical and supply problem solving, and getting my hands dirty.

Oooooo, get him
Seriously tho , there must be some big stuff then. I made the connection with rewinders because we used to have the odd little one made to pattern....never thought about the big stuff.

Anyway...after hours spent trying and trying to get a labeller to print on shiny labels (and failing) , i said to someone...
'You'd think people in the frikkin industry would have realised by now shiny labels equals problems. The bloody things dont work and never did. But some tw@t in an office designing labels thinks...'oooh that'd look nice'
FFSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

[TVC]

Oooooo, get him
Seriously tho , there must be some big stuff then. I made the connection with rewinders because we used to have the odd little one made to pattern....never thought about the big stuff.

Anyway...after hours spent trying and trying to get a labeller to print on shiny labels (and failing) , i said to someone...
'You'd think people in the frikkin industry would have realised by now shiny labels equals problems. The bloody things dont work and never did. But some tw@t in an office designing labels thinks...'oooh that'd look nice'
FFSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Wrong ink ribbons? Printing on polyester labels is a nightmere, I finally got it sorted by trial and error after none of the options given by the supplier worked.

 

[gbb]

Wrong ink ribbons? Printing on polyester labels is a nightmere, I finally got it sorted by trial and error after none of the options given by the supplier worked.

No sadly. We don't use ribbon on those particular machines, thermal labels instead. It's a traction issue, as soon as the shiny bits hit the roller, it's prone to slipping, therefore compressi g the print.
Ah well, today's another day.

 

[Andy_R]

Mrs R "It stinks in there. Did you have to do that?"
Me "Well, it was either do it in there or in the living room"
"In there" was the toilet.

 

[Matthew_T]

Mrs R "It stinks in there. Did you have to do that?"
Me "Well, it was either do it in there or in the living room"
"In there" was the toilet.

One thing that I normally say to my mother is: Urgh! It stinks in here. It smells like something died, got eaten, and then that died as well!

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Woman 'You smell like something crawled into your mouth and died'

Barnie - 'It didn't die'

 

[Ajay]

From my 12year old daughter this morning, "Dad, is a chicken egg a chicken period?"

 

[Andrew_Culture]

From my 12year old daughter this morning, "Dad, is a chicken egg a chicken period?"

Yes!

 

[gbb]

So I'm sat reading Every second counts by Lance Armstrong and the wife looks over and asks if it's good. Yes I reply. She asks...Lance Armstrong, isn't he the man that went to the moon ?

Eh, what, you're kidding I spluttered, barely able to do anything for laughing.

I don't know who he is, she protested.

TBF she wouldn't know lance from Neil or Louis. Made me laugh though.

 

[subaqua]

one from the team drinks in the pub last night .

project secretary : the barman says he doesn't have any Chenin Blanc in this fridge
QS trainee: what does he have
secretary : he says he has a nice semillon
QS trainee : well thats nice for him but what white wine does he have .
all us hairy ass builders
roared with laughter

 

[Cubist]

Councillor A. "I want to know what you're doing about all goings on at XXXXXX "
Me "I haven't had a single report of activity up there since I arrived 8 months ago. Are you telling me it's still an issue?"
Cllr A. When I drove to work and back last year there were men parked in the lay-by. It was obvious what was going on."
Cllr B "I think it's disgusting."
Me "What is?"
Cllr B "What was going on. "
Me. "What, you mean men meeting men to have sex? Do you think nightclubs are disgusting?"
Cllr B "What are you on about."
Me. "People meet in clubs to have sex."
Cllr B "that's different."
Me "Really? Have you had any reports from members of the public of any people committing acts in public view that would be against the law?"
Cllrs A and B "No."
Me "Then when I do I shall consider acting. Until then I can't really react to reports of men parked in laybys now can I?"
Cllr B "You're not taking this seriously are you?"
Me "I am duty bound to react to reports of offences taking place. Men meeting other men is not against the law. I'm not going to divert resources away from real priorities based on what you or others think is going to take place between consenting adults at some point in the future."
Cllr A "Should I ask my residents to take pictures of the cars?"
Me "What for?"
Cllr A "So you can make a record of who goes there."
Me "Why would I want a record of them?"
Cllr B "Because they must be breaking some law, surely?"
Me "No, consenting sex between adult men has been lawful for quite a while now."
Cllr A "Should we write their numbers down then?"


........... this exchange continued for another couple of minutes before I lost patience and appealed to the chair to make them carry the discussion on by means other than a public meeting. In case it isn't obvious, the meeting place they described is a layby on a country lane at least half a mile from the nearest dwelling. It is near to a once famous dogging site which has since been made inaccessible. Since it was made inaccessible the meeting has moved to this layby. There is a suggestion that some of the men go into some woods away from the road, but as those woods are privately owned and have no rights of way through them, and the owner hasn't made any complaints, there is no reason for any form of intervention. Incident analysis shows that the road they meet on has not had a single call for service since the current recording system went live three years ago. What took me by a little bit of a surprise is that although the original dogging site lies within their parish, the current layby does not. Nor is it in my ward!