Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
Bit like people you hear ordering diet coke along with a meal large enough to feed half a dozen.
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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TonyEnjoyD
Guru
- Location
- Newcastle upon Tyne
Freakin big guy at work - fish n chip Friday in our restaurant...
"Sausage in tater n chips and an extra sausage please...and mushy peas and gravy"
Server "do you your usual drink?"
Big guy "yes please"
Server looks in the fridge and turns to the big guy..."sorry, we've no DIET Fanta left!"
Me (under my breath) "wasting your feckin time matey!!!"
"Sausage in tater n chips and an extra sausage please...and mushy peas and gravy"
Server "do you your usual drink?"
Big guy "yes please"
Server looks in the fridge and turns to the big guy..."sorry, we've no DIET Fanta left!"
Me (under my breath) "wasting your feckin time matey!!!"
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
regular coke tastes like crap ( Ok diet doesn't taste much better) so it might be a taste thing rather than a helf thing
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
Wife n myself sitting watching TV...Nutella advert proudly announces there's TWO whole hazelnuts in every jar !!!!
Wife to me...'Did you hear that...TWO whole hazelnuts in every jar '
Me to wife...'Whoa, steady pet, there's only so much good news a guy can handle y'know'
Tw@ts...
my wife is allergic to nuts and chocolate when combined . she can eat nuts or chocolate but not together.
when it said "its slow release energy" she exclaimed "not with me its not, its explosive release right out my gob"
D
Deleted member 20519
Guest
Drunk gentleman stumbling about in the road at around 2pm
Me: "Watch out!"
Drunk Guy: "You should have had your lights on so I could have seen you!"
Fully stopped in the middle of the road now
Me: "My lights are on!"
Drunk Guy: "Blergh..."
Me: "Watch out!"
Drunk Guy: "You should have had your lights on so I could have seen you!"
Fully stopped in the middle of the road now
Me: "My lights are on!"
Drunk Guy: "Blergh..."
MattHB
Proud Daddy
- Location
- Deepest darkest Dorset
In a staff interview...
I asked
'what do your students think of you?'
He answered..
'the good students think I'm good, the bad students think I'm bad'
I didn't hire him.
Nearly as good as yesterday..
I asked
'what skills can you bring to my team?'
She answered
'well I don't think I have the skills youre looking for'
....... I didn't hire her either
I asked
'what do your students think of you?'
He answered..
'the good students think I'm good, the bad students think I'm bad'
I didn't hire him.
Nearly as good as yesterday..
I asked
'what skills can you bring to my team?'
She answered
'well I don't think I have the skills youre looking for'
....... I didn't hire her either
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
I walked into an office at work to return some keys...two girls were stonily silent and seemed distracted...i hung up the keys, said something that got little or no response..looked at one of them 
...what ????
'we were having a conversation' she replied with a wry smile.
'Ohhh, a girlie conversation ?'
'Yup'
'i'll bugger off and leave you to it then'
...what ????'we were having a conversation' she replied with a wry smile.
'Ohhh, a girlie conversation ?'
'Yup'
'i'll bugger off and leave you to it then'
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
Clients Client Project Manager- we need the deckboards down for handover
Me- you need the emergency lighting for handover and if the boards are not up i cant get my sparks to find the cable fault.
PM theres enough resdiual light from the other building
me if building control thought that that they wouldnt have asked for lights there would they.
I walked off at this point and waited for the visit to ask me to get the lights working for handover
Me- you need the emergency lighting for handover and if the boards are not up i cant get my sparks to find the cable fault.
PM theres enough resdiual light from the other building
me if building control thought that that they wouldnt have asked for lights there would they.
I walked off at this point and waited for the visit to ask me to get the lights working for handover
Driver of one of the company vehicles: "This thing is making a horrible noise, and it's difficult to get into gear..."
Mechanic (after poking round): "It's fine, I can't see anything wrong"
Driver: "No, it's driving horribly"
Mechanic: "It's absolutley fine"
Driver: "I've been driving these things for 20 years, and it's certainly not fine."
Mechanic: "Take it out, it's fine..."
Driver takes the vehicle out. He reappears on foot after about 10 or 15 minutes...
Mechanic: "Where's the vehicle?"
Driver: "About 400 yards up the road..."
Mechanic: "Why didn't you bring it back?"
Driver: " Because the gearbox is laying in the road about 20 yards behind the vehicle..."
Mechanic (after poking round): "It's fine, I can't see anything wrong"
Driver: "No, it's driving horribly"
Mechanic: "It's absolutley fine"
Driver: "I've been driving these things for 20 years, and it's certainly not fine."
Mechanic: "Take it out, it's fine..."
Driver takes the vehicle out. He reappears on foot after about 10 or 15 minutes...
Mechanic: "Where's the vehicle?"
Driver: "About 400 yards up the road..."
Mechanic: "Why didn't you bring it back?"
Driver: " Because the gearbox is laying in the road about 20 yards behind the vehicle..."
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Machine operator to me...'look, there's holes in it'
Yes i know, thats what i'm working on'
2 minutes later, while i have my head in the machine, watching carefully to see whats going on...
Machine operator to me...'look, there's holes in it'
Yes i know, thats what i'm working on'
At more or less the same time, machine operator No2 says to me (while i'm already busy on the first machine)'....'the weld isnt very good on this one'
'let me see to this, then i'll work on that one'
Machine operator No1 keeps bugging me, so i start to exlpain it takes time, i'm still learning the machines intricacies...
Me...'its going to take.......'
Op No 1 cuts in before i've finished my sentence...'yes but this ones usually good'
Me...'yes, but i need time to...
Op No 1 cuts in before i've finished my sentence...'but blah blah blah'
Three times he did that.
'Are you going to listen to what i'm trying to tell you or are you going to keep butting in Jesus H Christ !!!' (and then i hate myself for losing my patience....i consider myself polite and understanding)
FFS, working with immigrant labour sometimes does your head in.
Op No1 (Polish) a nice fella but his problems are the worlds worst, nothing else matters...nothing.
Op No2 (Portugese) is also nice, but lazy and talks so damn fast and with a strange accent i can rarely understand what the hell he's saying.
We also have Line Leader (Polish) who talks even faster, its really a job to keep up.
Op No 3 (Polish)...quiet fella, nice, but whatever you explain to him, he says yes....but you know he hasnt understood.
It really is a wonder companies dont throw their hands in the air in desperation.
Line leader Val (English) told Op No 3 today NOT to start the machine before he's given her a sample label.
I'm talking to Val some minutes later...the machine starts up
Val....'Oiiiiii, i just told you........'
She turned to me....
Todays been a bad day...worst ive had in a year maybe, does it show
Yes i know, thats what i'm working on'
2 minutes later, while i have my head in the machine, watching carefully to see whats going on...
Machine operator to me...'look, there's holes in it'
Yes i know, thats what i'm working on'
At more or less the same time, machine operator No2 says to me (while i'm already busy on the first machine)'....'the weld isnt very good on this one'
'let me see to this, then i'll work on that one'
Machine operator No1 keeps bugging me, so i start to exlpain it takes time, i'm still learning the machines intricacies...
Me...'its going to take.......'
Op No 1 cuts in before i've finished my sentence...'yes but this ones usually good'
Me...'yes, but i need time to...
Op No 1 cuts in before i've finished my sentence...'but blah blah blah'
Three times he did that.'Are you going to listen to what i'm trying to tell you or are you going to keep butting in
Jesus H Christ !!!' (and then i hate myself for losing my patience....i consider myself polite and understanding)FFS, working with immigrant labour sometimes does your head in.
Op No1 (Polish) a nice fella but his problems are the worlds worst, nothing else matters...nothing.
Op No2 (Portugese) is also nice, but lazy and talks so damn fast and with a strange accent i can rarely understand what the hell he's saying.
We also have Line Leader (Polish) who talks even faster, its really a job to keep up.
Op No 3 (Polish)...quiet fella, nice, but whatever you explain to him, he says yes....but you know he hasnt understood.
It really is a wonder companies dont throw their hands in the air in desperation.
Line leader Val (English) told Op No 3 today NOT to start the machine before he's given her a sample label.
I'm talking to Val some minutes later...the machine starts up
Val....'Oiiiiii, i just told you........'
She turned to me....
Todays been a bad day...worst ive had in a year maybe, does it show
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
another project manager from the client for a different area than yesterdays : what do you mean it will be monday when the columns are complete.
Me: I have a crane booked in on Friday, the MEWP for the post tops comes on monday morning and it wil be finished by monday evening.
PM: thast not good enough work the weekend.
Me: i can't get guys to work the weekend. the boom delivery is in the hands of your delivery management system and that says monday. maybe if you had moved the cars parked where we needed to work on the columns last week then it would have been done by Friday.
PM - Aaah
Me: I have a crane booked in on Friday, the MEWP for the post tops comes on monday morning and it wil be finished by monday evening.
PM: thast not good enough work the weekend.
Me: i can't get guys to work the weekend. the boom delivery is in the hands of your delivery management system and that says monday. maybe if you had moved the cars parked where we needed to work on the columns last week then it would have been done by Friday.
PM - Aaah
Bear in mind I work in IT...
Colleague A: So how's your new phone then?
Colleague B: Oh I've just done a factory reset on it
A: Why?
B: I found a way to turn the annoying background processes off, but I think I went a bit too far...
Cue lots of comments about "turning it off and turning it back on again..."
Colleague A: So how's your new phone then?
Colleague B: Oh I've just done a factory reset on it
A: Why?
B: I found a way to turn the annoying background processes off, but I think I went a bit too far...
Cue lots of comments about "turning it off and turning it back on again..."
