Give me some dialogue from your day

[Crackle]

Son1: Hit the banking high dad!
Son2: Whoooooeeeeee
Me: Urgh, nerrrf, buff
Son2: Another jump dad, woooeeee
Me: Gawd damn, wrong line, too fast, neeerrrrgggg
Son1:two jumps, awesome
Son2: Oh yeah
Me: Fekkin stay where I put you you stupid bike
on reaching bottom
Son1: Where've you been dad, we've been waiting ages
Me: urrrffff

 

[NormanD]

Son : Dad there was a phone call for you today!
Me : Oh really?, who was it?
Son : It was Halfords ringing
Me : Halfords?, what did they want?
Son : To remind you to book your bike in for a free service!
Me : What!!! Ha! ha! ha!
Son : ???????????
Me : Go on say it again son!
Son : That Halfords want to remind you to book your bike in for a free service?
Me : Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
Son : ???????? my old man has lost it???????

 

[Arch]

Me: Can you leave those pens in the box please
Small Scrote: I'm just testing them.
Me: They don't work, we're collecting them to recycle
Small Scrote: They do!
Me: carries on sweeping floor and keeping an eye on the scrote
Small Scrote: These are rubbish, they don't work!

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Soon I make the biggest decision of my life...take a chance or play it safe...50/50...head says one thing heart the other...

...I hate procrastinating....

I need to think about this..no I dont I made up my mind...yes but...

no way back...parallel lives...which one do I create.

Are you talking to yourself???

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Are you talking to yourself???

yep..just the two of us here today

 

[Cubist]

Sometimes someone lets you peek through a window into their lives. Sometimes you wish they hadn't.

 

[Matthew_T]

Me going into Morrisons to do my stint with the bucket holding for the Red Cross. I see one woman just standing on her own.

Me: Hi, I'm here to help.
Her: Hello, have you done this before?
Me: Nope.
Her: Okay then, well you need to go to the counter around the corner and through the double leather doors and sign in. There is a bucket under the counter. Then come back.
Me: Okay.

(I walk around the corner and have a look. I see some doors but they arent leather. I wander around a bit and decide to go through the double doors)
Woman preparing food: Can I help you?
Me: Is this where I sign in?
Her: No, this is the kitchen, you arent allowed in here.
Me: Oh, sorry.

(I return to the woman at the door and ask for come clarification as to where to go)
Me: Hi, I got a bit lost, can you tell me where to go again?
Her: If you go to the end wall, and go along about half way, you will see the doors. I think they are near the bakery.
Me: Okay, thanks.

(I walk to the furthest wall and follow the exterior walls around the shop. I pass one set of double doors and come to another. I go through them)
Guy pushing a trolley: Can I help you?
Me: Is this where I sign in for the collecting?
Him: No, this is deliveries, you cannot be in here. Try the next set of doors where the reception is.
Me: Okay thanks, I had bad directions.

(I finally go through some doors and find reception)
Me: (Sigh) I am here to sign in for the collecting.
Receptionist: For the Red Cross? Okay sign in on this form, you will need to wear this tag, and your buchet is under the desk.
Me: Okay thanks.

I finally got there in the end.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

My folks are putting a lot of things on Ebay at the moment, including a lot of Lego that has sat under the eaves for years. They are/I am helping to build things up to photograph, So, today mostly consisted of:

Err, can you try and find a (add Lego piece) please??

Great thing Lego, but it is truly frustrating trying to find that last elusive piece. It must have kept us occupied for hours on end just trying to find things when we were kids!

 

[Hover Fly]

No just dialogue but last night a woman I sort of know walked past in a pub,
Me, "Hiya"
Her "Hi!"
At this point a ginger dwarf, the spittting image of Yosemite Sam, seems to come out of nowhere,
YS, (in a voice like David Rappaport's) "OI! get off my bird!!"
Me (6'4", ex-army boxer) "I was just saying hello"
YS "You were ******* trying to look up her skirt!"
(By this point the dwarf is up at our table, trying to eyeball me, but I notice that even sitting down I can see over his head, I have to stifle a chuckle.)
YS "******* ****"
(Punches me on the shoulder)
"Bird" comes over, "Come on P----, time for bed"
YS "I'm having this bastard first".
"Bird" who is a "heavy-duty model" picks up YS and carries him out.

 

[Lisa21]

Me going into Morrisons to do my stint with the bucket holding for the Red Cross. I see one woman just standing on her own.

Me: Hi, I'm here to help.
Her: Hello, have you done this before?
Me: Nope.
Her: Okay then, well you need to go to the counter around the corner and through the double leather doors and sign in. There is a bucket under the counter. Then come back.
Me: Okay.

(I walk around the corner and have a look. I see some doors but they arent leather. I wander around a bit and decide to go through the double doors)
Woman preparing food: Can I help you?
Me: Is this where I sign in?
Her: No, this is the kitchen, you arent allowed in here.
Me: Oh, sorry.

(I return to the woman at the door and ask for come clarification as to where to go)
Me: Hi, I got a bit lost, can you tell me where to go again?
Her: If you go to the end wall, and go along about half way, you will see the doors. I think they are near the bakery.
Me: Okay, thanks.

(I walk to the furthest wall and follow the exterior walls around the shop. I pass one set of double doors and come to another. I go through them)
Guy pushing a trolley: Can I help you?
Me: Is this where I sign in for the collecting?
Him: No, this is deliveries, you cannot be in here. Try the next set of doors where the reception is.
Me: Okay thanks, I had bad directions.

(I finally go through some doors and find reception)
Me: (Sigh) I am here to sign in for the collecting.
Receptionist: For the Red Cross? Okay sign in on this form, you will need to wear this tag, and your buchet is under the desk.
Me: Okay thanks.

I finally got there in the end.

Did some stupid cow run into you with her trolley yesterday cos she was too busy texting? (if you were in the Rhyl one)

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I was changing the fishes water earlier, and whilst I was cleaning the top with the lights in, it accidentally fell into the water (first time for everything. It is a 100 litre tank with everything all built in, see). I, of course had it switched off as I was changing the water at the same time, but half the day was then taken up by a certain member of my family who will remain nameless ...Dad, oops.... telling everyone that I was trying to electrocute the fish.

It was unfunny and rather predictable the second time, so imagine what it was like later in the day.

Jeez, if I ever get like that, just shoot me, please!!

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Nurse: You will need to where an apron
Me: Ok
Nurse: Not th eheight of chic but they are necessary
Me " I understand"
Nurse " thats not how you do it"
Me " really?"
Nurse " Here , let me tie you up"
Me " well since you insist"

 

[GrasB]

Me: …bump into 2 left, don't cut, into 3 right, hard cut, into 3 right, into 5 right into bump, into flat long right 350…
Car: chirp, chirp, BANG, thud, bang, bang, crunch
Driver: f**k, F**K, F**K!. That's "2 left, hard cut, into flat right, don't cut" you moron!
Me: Your notes say "2 left, don't cut, into"…
Driver: B****ks!
Me: *shoves pace notes under his nose* Look! YOUR writing
Driver: Shut the f**k up!
Me: Anyway safeties...
Driver: *growls*

20-30 min later

Co-Driver: …bump into 3 left, don't cut, into flat right, caution tight cut, into flat right, caution bump, opens 350…
Car: random chirps & snarls
Co-Driver: …5 left…
Me: definitely don't cut, cut
Co-Driver: …Whoa? 3, opens flat….


EDIT: I supposed I should explain. The first corner in question was clearly cutable, but this put the car on a line which if you wanted to make the 3rd corner went over the entrance for an under-road drainage ditch, which was hidden from view until you were completely committed to the line. The first driver hooked a wheel into this which threw the car in the air, off line & into some trees. If you didn't cut the first corner you then are way off line for the second corner but you avoid the ditch & could easily get back on line for the 3rd corner if you cut really tight to the tree line on a very late apex. This is why you make pace notes on a course recce.

 

[Matthew_T]

Did some stupid cow run into you with her trolley yesterday cos she was too busy texting? (if you were in the Rhyl one)

YES! I was going to say "oi!!" but decided against it.

 

[Lisa21]

YES! I was going to say "oi!!" but decided against it.

Well, im not saying it was me, and im not admitting to anything, especially to running a fellow CCer over with a shopping trolley, but if the silly cow in question had long dark hair and was wearing a red coat............then im sorry