Give me some dialogue from your day

[marafi]

Dad- You must study now blah blah blah blah.
Me- I cook the house and clean the kitchen!
Dad- Huh you mean i cook and clean the house?
Me- Yeh thats what i mean. When do i have time to study then?
Dad-Tomorrow for lunch ill make it. (Meaning today)
Me- Oh gosh we will see.

Epic moment my Dad, the worst bit of it before he walked into the kitchen something was burning already!
ME- *runs to sort out the burning toast*

 

[gbb]

'How did you get on with that dock leveller thats tripped' asked the warehouse supervisor.

'Reset local trip, still not working, walk all the way up to the roofspace, reset main trip, walk back down, turn switch, it trips again, (ive deduced its the indicator lamp) walk over to E2 workshops, get a spare lamp, walk back, get stepladders, fit lamp, reset trip downstairs, walk upstairs, reset main trip, walk down, turn switch...it tripped again. Back to lamp, up the stepladders, inspect the lampholder, there's water in it down stepladder....walk back upstairs......etc etc etc etc...

You get the idea...so did he, its been a long day on my feet....all for a water damaged lampholder.

 

[Paladin - York]

"Can I have a piece of coffee and a cup of walnut cake please"

Me this morning in Clark's tearooms Easingwold, North Yorkshire, trying to remember what was on their display board outside.

 

[Night Train]

Heard in the local high street earlier today.

Young woman 1: ...Haha, yeah, it should be good. Ahhh, have I got sh1t on my face?
Young woman 2: Eh? (has a look at her face) Well, I wouldn't call it sh1t.
Yw1: You know what I mean...
Yw2: Yeah...no....er yeah.
Yw1: It's not sh1t then?
Yw2: Ummmm...



I didn't look back to see it it was sh1t.

 

[Arch]

Did it take them three conversations to identify the sh1t?

Not just me who had a forum blip just now then....

 

[Night Train]

Did it take them three conversations to identify the sh1t?

Not just me who had a forum blip just now then....

Yeah, forum blip!

 

[Theseus]

Ex Boss(now in different team): Touche, could I ask for some help?
Me: Sure, what do you need?
EB: I can't remember the name of someone
Me: Who?
EB: Vicky ... Do'h

 

[GrasB]

Well you helped

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Tales from this mornings swimming session:

Me to lady in next lane when resting " I hope you don't mind me saying but you are looking great underwater"

Lady " really????"

me " yes"

Lady " not sure what to say to that, but thnakyou, you just made my day"

Me " want to make mine?"

Her " Get on with your swimming i'm old enough to be your grandmother"





....


later in changing room..

me in head " please dont even think of talking to me, you are naked, old and wrinkly and I dont want to know"

Old bloke " bloody socks they are a nightmare"

me " yes"

Him " (still starkers) they took away my driving licence you know"

Me " oh"

Him " I'm 76 and can still swim and everything, why do these people have to make life so tough?"

Me " erm"

Him " so now I have to walk here"

Me " why not cycle like I do"

Him " bloody cyclists, pain in th earse if you ask me"

Me " Oh"

Him " do you swim here often?"

me " No mate, I'm only here today I dont live here, just visiting and thougt I'd swim...got to go"

Him " oh"

Me " Pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew"

 

[ianrauk]

A Cappuccino, a bacon roll with brown sauce, butter on the roll and a piece of fruit cake please.

 

[Lisa21]

I do not want to hear about your husband's new job, I do not want to know that you had a bad night last night which is why you keep yawning yoday, and I MOST DEFINITELY do NOT want to hear all about your coldsore. What I DO want is for you to scan my things through the checkout, like your supposed to, so that I can pay you and get on with my day.And If you really must tell me all these things then please can you talk at the same time as you scan so that at least I can pack my trolley and get out of here on the same day as I came in.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I woke up this morning... looked out the window and... my God, it is so utterly glorious without that damned Leylandii!!

 

[Cubist]

M "Hello"
Voice "Hello"
Me "Are we going to get straight to the point? What are you selling?"
Voice "I'm not selling anything, our company is doing a survey on home improvements in your area."
Me "I can't afford anything, my wife spends it all on booze."
Voice "Pardon?"
Me "I haven't got any money left, my wife has spent it all on vodka."
Voice "Err... well.... errm"
Me "Sorry, I haven't got time to listen to you umming and aahing, I've got to pick my wife up."
Voice "Errm, but...."
Me "She's fallen over.Will you just look at the f*ckin' state of her."
Voice *click.... dial tone*

 

[dellzeqq]

early to bed, alarm set for 4.30 - keeping builders company while learning up about Swansea's planning policy

2.15 bedroom door opens

Kid 'can Felix stay the night?'
Me 'yeah, whatever, what time is it'
Kid 'is it ok if he sleeps on the couch'
Me 'grugh, 2 in the morning!'
Kid 'where's the sleeping bag'
Me 'in the office on the floor'
door shuts
door opens
Kid 'it's not there'
Me ' look on the shelf above the door'
Kid 'where the suitcases are?'
Me 'where the suitcases are'
Kid 'ok, are you getting up early?'
Me 'grughooghfrughffff'
Kid 'will you be careful not to wake Felix up?'
Me 'ggggghrrriffferoodroogdeedopcdf'

4.30 alarm goes off

4.31 Susie 'are you getting up'
Me 'yeah, yeah, I'm working on it'
Susie 'don't wake Felix'

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Me in PC world: " I am interested in a laptop, it needs to do this..that..and some of that.."

Oik:" Ok..sir..rams, i7, i5,gigs, bytes, tb, hd, dvd, bluetooth,usb1 &2, led,64bit,intel,core,2.5ghz, gbelan,802.11bgn,multi gesture,1366x768,dmi5gt/s,ddr3,sata,vga....on and on and on..."

Me :"so it's a laptop then"