Give me some dialogue from your day

[stephec]

I'm at my parent's home, watching my step-father in the motorhome. It's new this year and there are little things that need 'adjustment' and we are chatting away when I spot a bright pink torch of my mother's.

Me: Is that just a torch?
SF: Yes, why do you ask?
Me: Well its just the rubber case that it seems to have on it.
SF: Yes?
Me: Its pink, rubber and knobbly
SF: You have a dirty mind .

A few moments pass...

SF: I think your mother would say she would prefer something bigger
Me: Wouldn't all women?
SF:

A few more moments pass
SF: It does glow in the dark as well...
Me: <insert SF's name> That is really not helping this conversation you know
SF:

Was it mains or battery powered?

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Was it mains or battery powered?

battery and very pocket sized!

 

[subaqua]

My construction manager: ( to the plumbing manager) Eh colin you still ride your bike to the station
Colin: Nah it got threw in a bush cos it was crap
Me: why was it crap
Colin : handlebars were loose
Me: did you take it back
C: Yes but the guy was an idiot
Me: Did you buy it from Halfords
C: Yes cost me £150 and it wasn't comfy
Me: Ha for £150 I would have let you have my old bike and set it up for you.

 

[simon the viking]

Phone rings at work.....
Me 'Good morning thanks for calling motorspares, Simon speaking
Man: Hi I'm from so-so training and we are doing government funded NVQ.....would you like to do an NVQ....
Me: No not really......
Man: Anyone else there who might......
Me: No on my own most of the time.....
Man: Why don't you want to do one yourself.....
Me: Did one years ago.....
Man What level? you could level 3..... I bet you did level 1 and 2.....
Me: Look mate I'm not being rude but..... I've been in retail for 23 years and I've been store manager, Merchandise manager, Area manager, Sales Rep, Floor manager for department store and I'm currently a motor factor manager, I set up my own entertainments company and marketed it myself..... I could probably teach your trainer a thing or two.....
Man: Thanks then....... click brrrrrrrr

I'll give him his due he was persistant..................

 

[Cycleops]

This is a most curious country sometimes, but the following is typical of what you might expect when you go into a shop to enquire about something:
Me: Do you have some .......medication?
Assistant: Shake of head.
Me: Do you normally carry this?
Assistant: Nod of head.
Me: Do you know when might get some?
Assistant: Shake of head.
Me: Thank you.
Assistant: Nod of head.

I have even had longer exchanges without a word being reciprocated.

 

[SteCenturion]

Miss Centurion.."I keep lookin' France"

Me.."eh, pardon".

Miss Centurion.."France"..

Me.."Lookin' France"

Miss Centurion.."No, fer ants"

"Oh".

 

[SteCenturion]

Admittedly the bras won't fit, but the sussies and knickers are ok.

Peep hole ?

 

[stephec]

Peep hole ?

So it was you who was spying on me.

 

[TVC]

Peep hole ?

Now I feel ill.

 

[alans]

As the #1 man at work walked past me yesterday morning he said, as usual...

"Good morning Alan,are you well?"

As usual I replied
"Good morning Karl"

less usually I added
"No I'm not"

"Why is that Alan?" he asked

So I told him.
Several home truths with regard to what occurs on the production floor.

I am now not popular with the Technical Director & the Production Manager.

What the hell,they can't sack me*.But they can tell the agency not to use me again on their premises.
Could this be why I'm not working next week?


*It wouldn't be the first time

 

[Cycleops]

Miss Centurion.."I keep lookin' France"

Me.."eh, pardon".

Miss Centurion.."France"..

Me.."Lookin' France"

Miss Centurion.."No, fer ants"

"Oh".

Reminds me of the "fork handles"

 

[SteCenturion]

Reminds me of the "fork handles"

Yeah me too..

Or is it four candles ?

 

[Cycleops]

Yeah me too..

Or is it four candles ?

Exactly!

 

[stephec]

Yeah me too..

Or is it four candles ?

It's 'andles for forks.

 

[MikeG]

Architect 1: "I want the ground level raised to finished floor level"

Architect 2: "Or we could lower the whole building by 6 inches.

Architect 1: You do know they've started on site, don't you, and that the building footprint is 350 square metres?"