Give me some dialogue from your day

[perplexed]

Context: General chit chat about childrens' programmes, brought to the fore by the Rolf Harris trial...

Mrs. P: 'One thing I used to love was Morph...'

Me: 'Oh, Morph was mentioned on the news a couple of days ago...'

Mrs P. 'Oh no, he's not died has he?'

Me:

 

[John the Monkey]

I accidentally tuned into Masterchef.

Three things;

"It needs some salt in the pea". (I know, but say it out loud for full WHAT?!?! double takeage).

"I'm worried about his chilli bazinger."

"Rack of lamb is a dangerous game."

Apparently it's always like this - too weird for me, and I had to stop watching.

 

[TVC]

Context: General chit chat about childrens programmes, brought to the fore by the Rolf Harris trial...

Mrs. P: 'One thing I used to love was Morph...'

Me: 'Oh, Morph was mentioned on the news a couple of days ago...'

Mrs P. 'Oh no, he's not died has he?'

Me:

Morph was a well known Playdohphile.



Sorry, coat.

 

[TVC]

Me: I've had a crap day at work, I'm going to buy a new telly.
Lu: Er, OK

Later.....

Lu: Nice telly
Me: Thanks


Sometimes only serious retail therapy will do.

 

[Lullabelle]

Every year at work we are sent a toy by a charity for blind children, £1 per go to guess where the creature comes from. This year was a green crocodile ( from Milton Keynes apparently)

Yesterday the winner was given the toy

My colleague: I can't believe I won the hippopotamus
Me: it's a crocodile
My colleague: oh is it, we all thought it was a hippo
Me: err no it is definitely a crocodile
My colleague: oh right
Me:

 

[swee'pea99]

"I want you singing seriously loud at this point, basses....but only if you're singing the right note..."

 

[Octet]

"Race Control this is Safety Boat"
"Safety Boat this is Race Control, go ahead over"
"Race Control this is Safety Boat, boat XYZ appears to be having troubles, they've stopped on the course in front of us"
"Safety Boat, this is Race Control, raise the yellow flag"

- 'Twas Guard boating a powerboat race today They had to be towed back to the harbour, needless to say when the other competitors found out it was because they didn't have enough fuel.... they had the mick taken out of them!

 

[Ganymede]

Dear Deaf-ish Demented-ish Dad strikes again!

Him (of my odd-looking semi-recumbent): What kind of weird bike is that?
Me (as I go past into the house): It's a Spirit
Him: A what?
Me (loudly but now from next room): A SPIRIT
Him (utterly baffled): A suet????!!!
Me: Close...

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

My OH had to come and collect myself and my bike from the hospital today because my consultant's appointment was running somewhat late and by the time I would have gotten home it would have been well after 7:30pm and I would have missed my evening meal (something my health doesn't tolerate particularly well with me needing to eat at 6pm or so). On the way home in the car we were discussing how quickly I had cycled to the hospital (just over 25 miles) and the weather (seriously wet, then seriously warm & sunny!).

OH: so how long did it take you this time to get there?
Me: Spot on 2 hours, would have been less if it wasn't for that last 3 minutes of utter chaos in the hospital grounds where I resorted to getting off my bike and walking it along the footpath
(a car wanted to turn right into a full car park, with another one already in front, 3 cars back had blocked the entrance to another right turn which a bus wanted to take... no-one was going anywhere...)
OH: and last time?
Me: 2 hours 15 minutes last time
pause
OH: So you're resting speeding is increasing them.
Me:
Me: my resting speed?
OH: yes, your resting speed....
Me: err, well that has to be the quote of the day
OH: , sorry. your cruising speed, its almost reaching mine now then. It's just the uphills your slower on.

 

[GrasB]

My OH had to come and collect myself and my bike from the hospital today because my consultant's appointment was running somewhat late and by the time I would have gotten home it would have been well after 7:30pm and I would have missed my evening meal (something my health doesn't tolerate particularly well with me needing to eat at 6pm or so). On the way home in the car we were discussing how quickly I had cycled to the hospital (just over 25 miles) and the weather (seriously wet, then seriously warm & sunny!).

OH: so how long did it take you this time to get there?
Me: Spot on 2 hours, would have been less if it wasn't for that last 3 minutes of utter chaos in the hospital grounds where I resorted to getting off my bike and walking it along the footpath
(a car wanted to turn right into a full car park, with another one already in front, 3 cars back had blocked the entrance to another right turn which a bus wanted to take... no-one was going anywhere...)
OH: and last time?
Me: 2 hours 15 minutes last time
pause
OH: So you're resting speeding is increasing them.
Me:
Me: my resting speed?
OH: yes, your resting speed....
Me: err, well that has to be the quote of the day
OH: , sorry. your cruising speed, its almost reaching mine now then. It's just the uphills your slower on.

Now all you need is one of these proper bikes & you really will have a resting speed... laying there on your back

 

[Rezillo]

I'm at the front of our house by the road as two cyclists approach at speed. One of them is talking loudly.

"And then I had an affair, which I regret because...." (the rest lost on the breeze)

Nooo! I shouted that I needed to know but it was too late; they were gone.

 

[stephec]

There was a conversation in our house earlier about my little girl's school trip to Paris next week.

On hearing they're going to Disneyland my wife announced that she'd rather see the sights instead, "the Eiffel Tower, Monmatre, and the Sacred Bleu.".

 

[tiswas-steve]

The wife... " Steve !! Put your trousers on, your mum and dad are coming soon !! "
Me... " Oh, so I've got to be formal today then ? "

 

[gbb]

'Hi Col, how do you feel today ?'
'A bit wobbly, but ok, a thousand times better than yesterday'

Woke up at 3am Monday morning, nauseous, hot, headachy.
Went to work..decided a steady day was in order but it was just too much, everything was hard work. Went home at 11am and didnt get out of bed till 5am this morning, barring the loo and bathroom. One banana and a slice of toast was all I ate all day...the aches and discomfort were never ending.
This morning was a bit tiring, but picked up through the day.
Ive either eaten something dodgy or it was a 24 hour flu / virus.

 

[gbb]

As the #1 man at work walked past me yesterday morning he said, as usual...

"Good morning Alan,are you well?"

As usual I replied
"Good morning Karl"

less usually I added
"No I'm not"

"Why is that Alan?" he asked

So I told him.
Several home truths with regard to what occurs on the production floor.

I am now not popular with the Technical Director & the Production Manager.

What the hell,they can't sack me*.But they can tell the agency not to use me again on their premises.
Could this be why I'm not working next week?


*It wouldn't be the first time

Sometimes a 'like' Isnt appropriate...perhaps a 'i feel your pain'' button would be better