Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

I had one of those yesterday. told me he could save me money on my electricity (part of my rent), then my gas (lied through my teeth and claimed part of my rent) and then tried me for cavity wall insulation and loft insulation.... I tried pointing out the first few answers... I'm a tenant, I rent, I'm not that interested.... I finally got through to him, he conceded defeat and hung up! There are times being a tenant is really useful - or at least just claiming you are

One of my favourite replies to door to door salesman for any kind of home Iimprovements...
'Sorry mate, waste of time talking to me...I'm just the tennant'

Well...mum told me not to lie, but I think she'd approve'

 

[Profpointy]

Reminds me of folk calling Mr Spinney in his last place.
'Could I interest you in cavity wall insulation'
'My walls haven't got cavities...'
'But...'
'It's a flat in a victorian building'
'OK, how about loft insulation...?'
'It's a basement flat...'
...

The proverbial mate of a mate got fed up with cold callers trying to sell him a conservatory, so he got the salesman round.
....... "but you've got a 4th floor flat" - apparently he wasn't amused

 

[Octet]

Me: I'm interested in your phone contracts, at the moment I'm just on a pay as you go but I'd appreciate it if you could just talk me through what the differences are

Salesman: Our X120308 Basic Home Starter Bundle Package in a Box (or it may as well have been) starts at £10 a month, with that you get 200 of this and 200 of that but you can't downgrade unless you buy our Y1020082 [INSERT CONFUSING AND STUPIDLY LONG NAME] package.

Me: Yes, I see

Salesman: Then if you want mobile data you shall want to have

Me: I don't have internet capabilities on my ph...

Salesman: You can get our T102928 Plan for which gives you 500 MB free downloads per month which carry through to the next month but not over two months it can only be one month because we don't allow it to extend over two months

Me: Yes, I see... well thank you for your time


Yeah, probably going to stick to my £5 top ups

 

[swee'pea99]

My cold calls are a lot shorter.

"Hello, yadda yadda..."
"You shouldn't be calling this number, we're registered with TPS."

Or, if the handset says it's an international call...

"Hello, yadda yadda..."
"Not interested." [Clunk]

A significantly less polite 'Option B' is occasionally called into play when I'm in a bad mood. But it's just as quick, if not quicker.

 

[Speicher]

Me to A N Other

Instead of asking the Manager or the Director they should have talked to a normal .....they should have talked to a to a they shou ld hav talked to a normal person like you.

 

[Saluki]

Shopping in Tesco today.
Shop assistant: Hello, can I interest you in any of these (woman shows me a tray of tat with England flag on)
Me: er, what are they
SA: World Cup memorabilia
Me: What?
SA: The world cup
Me: What
SA: The football
Me: What about it?
SA: Do you want something?
Me: Why would I want something
SA: Its the world cup
Me: I'm a cyclist. Got anything about the TDF
SA: No, what's that
Me: An event that a rider from the UK has won 2 years on the bounce, unlike the World cup.

SA looked a bit perplexed and wandered off.

What the hell are the supermarkets doing having some person wandering around selling football tat at unsuspecting shoppers.

 

[stephec]

My cold calls are a lot shorter.

"Hello, yadda yadda..."
"You shouldn't be calling this number, we're registered with TPS."

Or, if the handset says it's an international call...

"Hello, yadda yadda..."
"Not interested." [Clunk]

A significantly less polite 'Option B' is occasionally called into play when I'm in a bad mood. But it's just as quick, if not quicker.

Same in this house, from me anyway.

 

[machew]

<Cold Caller>Hi have you lost your hearing due to a noisy workplace or accident at work?
<Me>Pardon
<Cold Caller>Hi have you lost your hearing due to a noisy workplace or accident at work?
<Me> Sorry I can't quite hear you
<CC>How is this
<Me>Pardon
<CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
<CC>OK I will call back
Few mins later
Cold Caller>Hi have you lost your hearing due to a noisy workplace or accident at work?
<Me>Pardon
<Cold Caller>Hi have you lost your hearing due to a noisy workplace or accident at work?
<Me> Sorry I can't quite hear you
<CC>How is this
<Me>Pardon
<CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
<CC>OK I will call back
And repeat until Cold Caller gets the hump

 

[matth411]

LBS guy: Your chain seems to be slightly stretched.
Me: Ah ffs.
LBS: Yep.

 

[jhawk]

"There's been a shooting in Moncton..."

"WHAT?!".

Three RCMP officers are dead, two more have been wounded. Suspect still at large.

Moncton is an hour from me by car. The city's locked down and everyone's in a state of shock.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-b...nt-on-for-killer-of-3-rcmp-officers-1.2665707

 

[Cubist]

Cold caller " Hello there, is that Mr Cubist? "
me " Yep"
CC " Hi, it's Jim, I fitted your Safestyle windows a while back."
Me " Really? that's clever, I have never had any windows fitted by Safestyle. "
Jim " Oh, maybe it was doors. Yeah, doors. "
Me " Good guess dickhead. What else do Safestyle fit?
Jim " Anyway, I fitted your doors. "
Me "Door. "
Jim " So because you're a valued customer I can offer you £500 off new products."
Me " trust me, you won't value me if you carry on. It must have been crowded when you were here, as you are now the fifteenth person to ring claiming to have fitted my door. Once we actually established it was a door. There may have been an invisible army fitting windows, but I don't remember making that much tea. "
Jim " Eh?"
Me "do you think I am going to give any business to a lying w@nker who is so dishonest that uses a straight scam to con me? What's the name of your business?I take it you are subcontracted or have somehow got my details off Safestyle?"
Jim. Click, buzzzzzzzzz

 

[Speicher]

Somehow I have plotted a route from the Futon shop to the Build a Bear Shop.

 

[gbb]

<Cold Caller>Hi have you lost your hearing due to a noisy workplace or accident at work?
<Me>Pardon
<Cold Caller>Hi have you lost your hearing due to a noisy workplace or accident at work?
<Me> Sorry I can't quite hear you
<CC>How is this
<Me>Pardon
<CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
<CC>OK I will call back
Few mins later
Cold Caller>Hi have you lost your hearing due to a noisy workplace or accident at work?
<Me>Pardon
<Cold Caller>Hi have you lost your hearing due to a noisy workplace or accident at work?
<Me> Sorry I can't quite hear you
<CC>How is this
<Me>Pardon
<CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
CC>Is this any better?
<Me>Pardon
<CC>OK I will call back
And repeat until Cold Caller gets the hump

Awesome

 

[Hyslop]

Carlisle lady{Thora Hird model} trying to keep her end up to her friends."Oh I waddnt say we were wuckin class,we live at Lowry Hill and we gan shopping at Sainsburys" Lowry Hill being a suburb of "Barratt"homes.Husband{Capt Peacock model] just smiled,the smile of the utterly defeated!

 

[GrasB]

So I hear raised voices in the building so walk off to investigate & walk in on one of our researchers having a argument with a man & looking less than comfortable.
Me (to the man): Excuse me, could you please leave the building.
Him: This is none of your business
Me: What you're discussing very loudly isn't anyone business but yours. The thing is you're disturbing people in this very quiet building. So please leave
Him: I told you, this is none of your business, now go away.
Me: Okay, I'm TELLING you to leave this building and take your conversation were it is NOT disturbing people
Him: So why not tell this b**tch to leave as well
Me: SHE is an employee, you are not. She can leave with you or stay. But YOU are leaving
Him: Pi$$ off!
Me taking a step between them making me close to him and staring directly into his eyes unblinking: You are leaving right now! The question is do you walk out of the building or I physically throw you out. Are you clear on that?
Him takes half a step back into a wall looking a little worried: Okay!
Her very quietly, sounding a little shaken: Thanks.