Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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Andy_R
Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
- Location
- County Durham
cos you like playing with mommy's so much, you thought you'd get a pair of your own to play with......well, that's my excuse2 1/2 yr old Daughter to me, I've just got out the shower, have my shorts on...
Her - Daddyyyyyyyy...
Me - Yes darling...
Her - Why you got boobies like mommy?
...she has a point*
*Not had chance for much cycling as yet this year. Honestly...
Just been to the shop so I can carry on feeding the nicotine addiction....
Me: 25g amber leaf too please, even though I should quit.
Cashier: yeah I am trying to quit too
Me: I only want to quit so I can do longer bike rides haha.
Cashier: I can't ride a bike I am too big. I will probably break the bike.
Me: I doubt that... (quoted story about 39st cyclists as seen on here) so really, size is not an issue. It comes down to wanting to do it and then doing it.
Cashier: Here's your change. See ya.
Me: 25g amber leaf too please, even though I should quit.
Cashier: yeah I am trying to quit too
Me: I only want to quit so I can do longer bike rides haha.
Cashier: I can't ride a bike I am too big. I will probably break the bike.
Me: I doubt that... (quoted story about 39st cyclists as seen on here) so really, size is not an issue. It comes down to wanting to do it and then doing it.
Cashier: Here's your change. See ya.
IDMark2
Dodgy Aerial
- Location
- On the Roof
MrsD turns lazily over in bed this morning after her day off lie in and I'm delivering a lovely steaming mug of Earl Grey..... suddenly she lets out a yelp of pain...
MrsD: 'OWWWWW!' Rubs elbow vigourously..
Me: Concerned 'What's wrong, what have you done?'
MrsD: 'I think it's where I smacked my elbow last week...'
Me: Smiles 'Well, I'm quite thick but it doesn't take a whole week for pain to get through to MY brain...'
MrsD now demonstrates that her other arm is perfectly suitable for purpose by swinging it with a fist attached in my direction...
MrsD: 'OWWWWW!' Rubs elbow vigourously..
Me: Concerned 'What's wrong, what have you done?'
MrsD: 'I think it's where I smacked my elbow last week...'
Me: Smiles 'Well, I'm quite thick but it doesn't take a whole week for pain to get through to MY brain...'
MrsD now demonstrates that her other arm is perfectly suitable for purpose by swinging it with a fist attached in my direction...
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Stood at our canteen vantage point, drinking coffee, our discussions meander as usual. I've just brushed a greenfly off my hand.
Dave...
'Did you know green fly can reproduce without a male and those babies reproduce without a male as well ?.
Me.
'Is that it then, just the twice then they mate like normal '.
D..' I dunno...but did you also know that a female hyena can take on the appearance of a male, even grow what look like balls.'
Me..' Must be a bit confusing in the hyena world then, when it comes to mating, you'd never know what you were getting into'
D...'Bit like having a weeks holiday in Thailand then eh ?'
Both of us stood there for a couple minutes...
Dave...
'Did you know green fly can reproduce without a male and those babies reproduce without a male as well ?.
Me.
'Is that it then, just the twice then they mate like normal '.
D..' I dunno...but did you also know that a female hyena can take on the appearance of a male, even grow what look like balls.'
Me..' Must be a bit confusing in the hyena world then, when it comes to mating, you'd never know what you were getting into'
D...'Bit like having a weeks holiday in Thailand then eh ?'
Both of us stood there for a couple minutes...
D
Deleted member 23692
Guest
Today in the sandwich shop..
Assistant : "can I help you?"
Me : "a ham salad roll please"
Assistant: " sorry we don't have any ham"
Me "OK.. can I have a cheese salad roll then please?
Assistant : "would that be cheese or cheese savoury?"
Me: " just cheese salad thanks"
Assistant then places some cheese in a butter roll and says
"Would you like any salad?"
Assistant : "can I help you?"
Me : "a ham salad roll please"
Assistant: " sorry we don't have any ham"
Me "OK.. can I have a cheese salad roll then please?
Assistant : "would that be cheese or cheese savoury?"
Me: " just cheese salad thanks"
Assistant then places some cheese in a butter roll and says
"Would you like any salad?"
Phoenix Lincs
Über Member
- Location
- Sleaford, Lincs
Phoenix Lincs
Über Member
- Location
- Sleaford, Lincs
I'm over at my parents' home and they are getting ready to go away on Monday, so wanted their suitcases out of the roof. Its one of these trap door loft entrances and my step-father isn't up to climbing steps yet (though his 3rd hip replacement in 10 months is looking like it may have been successful!). My mother is in the kitchen...
Me: So which ones do you want?
SF: the reddish metallic one and the pink flowery one...
Me: OK, here's the reddish metallic one (handing it down), but I can't see a pink flowery one. I've got a blue flowery one and a black flowery one...
SF: No that's not them, your looking for something much bigger
Me: OK, err there's a red one with umm...(trying hard to decide how to describe it) handcuffs, chains and pink leather straps on it.
SF: Can I see it? (pause) Yep that's the one.
Mum yells from the kitchen: it's not handcuffs and chains, it's horsey/pony stuff.
Me: Err, no, that's very definitely a set of handcuffs and there's the key. That's a set of handcuffs on a long chain, that's a long chain and that's definitely a pink leather strap....
Mum comes out of kitchen and I repeat pointing to the 'decoration'.
Mum: No that's pony stuff.
SF is now almost failing to stand up on his 1 crutch from laughing too much
Me placing my hands behind my back and crossing them: Nope, definitely not pony stuff mum, it's missing the black leather corset, the high heeled boots and a bit gag...
Mum:rapidly going very red: I think I am going to need a new suitcase...
SF has now had to retire to the sofa unable to stop laughing.... don't think he has had that much fun for quite some time.
Oh - and this is the some of the suitcase 'decoration' in question...
View attachment 38444
So does anyone want a new suitcase - I think this one will be homeless by the end of next week.
This had my laughing so hard, I nearly had tears rolling down my legs!
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
A machine op that's called me to a £90K machine, only a few months old...
'Its gone really noisy, somethings wrong'
I listen...eek, I dont like the sound of that...I open an inspection panel, look inside, scan the various shafts, motors and gubbins....
Me to op..'Turn it off, don't restart it, it's finished. You can't run that, we're going to cause maybe £1000 damage if we continue'
There's metal shavings collecting on a shaft and linear bearing assembly...its fooked. Spanish engineers will be called, an expensive, lengthy repair is in the offing.
£90K ?...£45K too much IMO.
'Its gone really noisy, somethings wrong'
I listen...eek, I dont like the sound of that...I open an inspection panel, look inside, scan the various shafts, motors and gubbins....
Me to op..'Turn it off, don't restart it, it's finished. You can't run that, we're going to cause maybe £1000 damage if we continue'
There's metal shavings collecting on a shaft and linear bearing assembly...its fooked. Spanish engineers will be called, an expensive, lengthy repair is in the offing.
£90K ?...£45K too much IMO.
jhawk
Veteran
- Location
- New Brunswick, Canada
This morning, at 5AM, my glasses decided to pack it in after years of loyal service. I'm now wondering around quite blind...
Dad: "Can you bring these to the car, please?"
Me: "Sure.".
Dad: "I'm sorry, it's the big silver thing around the side of the house."
I think I told him where to go and how to get there...
Dad: "Can you bring these to the car, please?"
Me: "Sure.".
Dad: "I'm sorry, it's the big silver thing around the side of the house."
I think I told him where to go and how to get there...
Phoenix Lincs
Über Member
- Location
- Sleaford, Lincs
"I thought this was supposed to be a flat course!
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
(paraphrased, from the last few days)
Me, via website contact form: I will not be renewing my TV licence, due now, as I move in a month and am getting rid of my TV now.
Them, by email: please tell us when you are moving so we can deal with your request.
Me, by email: I'm just not renewing now.
Them, by email: please tell us when you are moving so we can deal with you request (yes, the exact same stock reply)
Me, via email: I move at the end of June, but that is not relevant. My licence is due NOW, but I am getting rid of my TV NOW, so I am not renewing. I've told you this three times now, do you actually read replies?
I expect to be carted off in a van with an aerial on the top tomorrow ....
Me, via website contact form: I will not be renewing my TV licence, due now, as I move in a month and am getting rid of my TV now.
Them, by email: please tell us when you are moving so we can deal with your request.
Me, by email: I'm just not renewing now.
Them, by email: please tell us when you are moving so we can deal with you request (yes, the exact same stock reply)
Me, via email: I move at the end of June, but that is not relevant. My licence is due NOW, but I am getting rid of my TV NOW, so I am not renewing. I've told you this three times now, do you actually read replies?
I expect to be carted off in a van with an aerial on the top tomorrow ....
