Give me some dialogue from your day

[jhawk]

Akaya, our "supermodel" (pretty but not too bright) husky-retriever mix just bundles on up on the couch beside me, as I'm sat here, typing an e-mail. Shoves me aside and plonks himself down. I turn.

"You'd say if I was in your way, wouldn't you?"

He just stares at me, tongue lolling, dumb smile. Stupid animal.

 

[matth411]

Sat in work on the night shift:
Other guard: "What are those lights going past the gate?"
Me: "That's... That's a cyclist. At nearly 3 in the morning"
OG: "He's f***ing mental"

 

[SteCenturion]

They were Tim Brooke Taylor, Bill Oddie and Graham Garden!!





I'll get me coat!

I have now got theme tune tourettes..


Singin'...



Goodies....goodie, goodie, yum yum.


Ta.

 

[SteCenturion]

Son2: dad, stop it
Me: What?
Son2: You can't sing, it's terrible, you don't even use the right words
Me: It's never stopped me before

Fantastic.

& reminds me of a song I sung wrong for a year as a kid.

"Hot dog, jumpin' frog, I love cookies" by some pop band before Rock took my soul.

 

[Speicher]

"So it was the Professor and the Spanish dancers in the hallway and the coathangers in the Bar".

 

[Moon bunny]

A Spanish chap was being shown round work, he owns a yacht which might be better described as a private ocean liner and a large part of a well known football club, he might be persuaded to give the museum a donation, until:
Trustee, "this is Hover fly, one of our workers...",
Tycoon, "Hello"
HF, (head tilted to one side, hands clasped pleadingly, plaintive voice), "Have you come to help us escape?"

 

[Cubist]

Picture the scene. I'm driving in rush hour traffic ( well, Huddersfield's version of rush hour). The roundabout ahead has one lane exit going straight on, so everyone is queuing in the left lane. As I get to the roundabout I see a woman in a car who has clearly overtaken the lane of queuing cars in the lane marked with a right turn arrow. I assume she's going right so simply keep my course round the roundabout, which she enters at the same time as I do. As I am about to exit the roundabout she tries to dash in front of me without indicating, but I simply hold my course and she has to jam all on, possibly realising that a Giat Abarth will come off worse against the trusty battle wagon. She tucks in behind me with a blaring of horn and shaking of fist.

The road goes back into two lanes, this time a right turn onto a petrol station, so she shoots up the outside of me, but realises she can't get any further than alongside me because of the cars in the way. I'm nmore or less at a standstill so she winds her window down.

Her "Who the fark do you think you are you farking self-gratification artist? You nearly ran me off the farking road, watch where you're going you farking bastard. daffodils like you shouldn't be on the farking road. Just cos you're in some big farking car doesn't mean you own the farking road. You farking daffodil."
Me " Get your nightie on love, I'll be home in a bit."

 

[Scoosh]

@Cubist - ^ ^ ^ ^ - I'm hoping this really was Mrs Cubist !


If not - what a wonderful an interesting response ...

 

[Cubist]

@Cubist - ^ ^ ^ ^ - I'm hoping this really was Mrs Cubist !


If not - what a wonderful an interesting response ...

No a random stranger. I can shout and swear with the best of them, but as she had already used up a daily quota of profanity I thought a comedy approach more apt. It took her two cars behind me to get back into the lane to go ahead, so either she was stunned or too angry to make any immediate progress.

 

[Scoosh]

Class act, Mr @Cubist !

 

[Scoosh]

#1 button on phone totally totalled - like totally ?

 

[Lullabelle]

Fantastic.

& reminds me of a song I sung wrong for a year as a kid.

"Hot dog, jumpin' frog, I love cookies" by some pop band before Rock took my soul.

Prefab Sprout

 

[gbb]

T'other night, we've gone to bed at 10pm. About 9.30 to 10, the family opposite sit down to eat. I think they're Portugese, they all sit and natter round the table, a nice thing in itself, but...the mother really does get agitated, excited, she sounds domineering, her loud, intrusive, jarring voice, going on and on and on....their dining room window is open...im struggling to get off, I sense the wife is tossing and turning...its now nearly 11pm and she's still going on and on...
I walk tp my window...
'HEY'
She's talking so loud, she doesn't hear my booming call..
'HEY'.....'HEY'...'HEY'
She cocks an ear...ive finally got her attention...
'FER CHRISSAKES, PUT A SOCK IN IT WILL YA, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP'
'Sorry'
Probably uneccesarily, my dander is up now...
'AT LEAST SHUT YOUR WINDOW EH '
'Sorry'
'NOT HALF AS SORRY AS I AM .

It went quiet...i sensed they got a bit louder in half an hour, but ok. I got 3 hours sleep that night, just couldnt get off.
The following day, my son came up and said...
'I was talking to Jeremy next door...he said, tell your dad..nice one last night '
Seems i wasnt the only one kept awake.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

[QUOTE 3114137, member: 45"]<I answer phone>

Hello. Can I speak to Mr Paul?

You are.

Hello, I'm calling from British Gas. I understand that you've been a customer of ours in the past?

Only because I had to when we moved house.

You've moved house recently?

Yes, and you know that you have to stay with the current provider for a few weeks.

Who is your current provider?

Why do you want to know?

Because I would like to tell you how we can save you money.

How do you know you can save me money if you don't know who my current provider is?

We've got a new tariff, blah blah....

You won't be able to give me a better deal than I'm already on.

Who is your current provider?

It doesn't matter. You can't beat it.

But we have a new tariff, and can save you money, blah blah.....

<interrupting> Look, you've called me at work and are interrupting my day. I don't do cold callers so you're not going to get my business.

<him aggressive> But we have a new tariff....

<interrupting> You can't save me money. I've just told you I don't do cold calling. You've called me at work, I didn't ask you to, and you're continuing to hassle me.

<aggressive> I'm only trying to tell you......

And I'm telling you that I don't do cold calling so you're wasting your time. I'm certainly not going to take any service from you with the way you're talking to me now...

<aggressive> but I'm only trying to tell you.....

You're wasting your time. I'm not going to sign up with British Gas. Thanks to your behaviour now I'm never going to sign up with British Gas. You might as well end the call.

Thank you for your time.....


5 minutes later, I answer the phone...

"Good morning, this is an automated message from British Gas. You were recently called by one of our team, and we would now like to ask you a few questions to gain feedback on the call. Firstly, please give us your overall satisfaction rating for the call. Press 1 for completely dissatisfied,......."

You can guess the rest.[/QUOTE]

I had one of those yesterday. told me he could save me money on my electricity (part of my rent), then my gas (lied through my teeth and claimed part of my rent) and then tried me for cavity wall insulation and loft insulation.... I tried pointing out the first few answers... I'm a tenant, I rent, I'm not that interested.... I finally got through to him, he conceded defeat and hung up! There are times being a tenant is really useful - or at least just claiming you are

 

[Spinney]

Reminds me of folk calling Mr Spinney in his last place.
'Could I interest you in cavity wall insulation'
'My walls haven't got cavities...'
'But...'
'It's a flat in a victorian building'
'OK, how about loft insulation...?'
'It's a basement flat...'
...