Give me some dialogue from your day

[Moon bunny]

Thursday afternoon, I was tired and emotional and wondering if it was all worthwhile.
Hover fly, "Keep your eye on the prize, sure it is hard and dirty now, but in a few months when you get what you want you will look back with fondness on the good times we are having as well. Remember, everyday there is a stack of letters wanting what is almost in your grasp. You will be the envy of all England doing for pay what others would pay to do. It will be worth it. So keep your eye on the prize, the glorious glittering prize."

 

[gbb]

The wife and I have taken our two grand daughters, 8 and 5, to Great Morton Sale in Northants, a good sized wood, one of a peppering of local woodland in that area. Lovely ancient woodland, and I think there's an old quarry in there. We're walking along a densly tree lined path...
'Aimee..Hollie, look...shhhhhhhh' as I point 50 yards ij front. There's a Roe Deer, about 4ft high, stood in the path looking at us.
'Ohhh wow...look at that' said Hollie, face lit up with wonder.
'Stay still and keep quiet'
The deer moved on into the trees, to be replaced by another, who moved on, to be replaced by yet another.
We spent the rest of the walk looking for deer tracks and hoof imprints in the wood.
As we walked on, Aimee, five, suddenly said...
'I think I can hear Jingle bells '

Later, we came across what looks like an old quarry, still deep in the woods. Lots of limestone rocks littered everywhere. Under a Hawthorn tree is a circular lump of limestone.
'Hollie, look at this...what do you think it was..its very old'
'I dont know'
'Think what a windmill has in it to grind the corn'
'A millstone ?'
'Yep, thats probably what that is, it looks like they have carved it out of the rock but never finished it...its probably sat here for 100 years'
'Im going to stand on it' as she clambered up the incline it and the hawthorn sat on.

Brilliant afternoon, gladly gave up a chance of a cycle ride for it.

 

[ThinAir]

during a lighthearted conversation, I heard the following:

"Ok, so you wouldn't do that... .But would you let him p155 on you in the shower"....

Best question I heard all day...

 

[gbb]

'Any problems with this net ?'..I asked the packaging manager.
'No, why ?'
'Its getting oblitered in the machine, ive got the temps right down and it still wont have it.'
'No, we had new net so it should be ok'
'The previous colour net ran fine, put this on and ...no way will it work...this isnt old dried out net is it'
' No, it should be ok butl ive got some new net ordered for next week'

As we walked away, I said to my colleague...I dont believe that..if the net is ok and a new batch, why have they ordered more for next week?...I'll tell you why...its old net and they dont want to admit it, they just want everyone to struggle on till its run out.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Didn't speak to a single humanoid today, but I did talk to a dalek.

 

[siadwell]

At a wildlife park in Florida, family looking at a lion and lioness.
American teenage girl: "Daddy, are those both lions?"
American dad: "Sure are honey"
American teenage girl: "Then why have they shaved one of them?"

 

[numbnuts]

......< silence > ...... I haven't spoken to anybody today

.....and today
I wonder if it's possible to loose the art of conversation

 

[numbnuts]

For goodness sake numbnuts, go down the pub and chat to someone tonight, it's not that difficult.

I haven't had a drink since 1980 and I'm not going to start now

 

[subaqua]

In the Pound Shop:

Her: oh, look, a three way adapter
Him: but you only need a two way one
Her: OK, I'll leave it

wise choice. would have burnt the house down

 

[MossCommuter]

I haven't had a drink since 1980 and I'm not going to start now

Blimey, you must be well thirsty

 

[Puddles]

Mr P - What are you doing now?

Me - Looking at how to adjust these gears

Mr P - Do you know how

Me - No, thats why I am reading this manual and peering, Do you?

Mr P - No, what can't you find

Me - Well I have peered and I can't identify what they call the cable adjuster and I can't see the bloody window they are talking about, it says turn it until the yellow is in the h window - what bloody window

(Shows Mr P diagram)

Mr P - Why are you looking down there?

Me - What do you mean why am I looking down here it is here that I am supposed to be looking (gesturing to hub on back wheel)

Mr P - But there is a window here (gestures to gear shifter on handle bars) are you not supposed to look here

Me - No, seriously? No. Go Away and don't come and help until you have put your brain in

 

[Herr-B]

One of the managers at work got a Boardman cyclocross bike a couple of months ago, yesterday he asked me if he could borrow my Specialized track pump as his cheap effort wasn't getting any air in. Having had a cheapo pump in the past I agreed and brought it in today. He's just been in to see me and the conversation went thusly:

Him: Thanks for that but it didn't work either.
Me: What do you mean it didn't work?
Him: I put it on, lifted the lever thing and pumped away. It went to about 100 psi after a couple of pumps and then rock hard, I couldn't do any more, and the tyre was still flat as a pancake.
Me: What type of valve do you have?
Him: *blank expression*
Me: Do you have a Presta valve?
Him: Dunno.
Me: *Googles image*
Him: Yeah, that's the one.
Me: Did you unscrew it first?
Him: I took the dustcap off.
Me: And then you need to unscrew that bit (pointing to the screen), and try again.
Him: Oh!

 

[Puddles]

Major, my German Shepherd that is brainless, has grown up with children, is well trained, out of PAT stock, takes orders from a 3 y/o, as bomb proof as you can ever say a dog can be, had a small child on a bike crash into him - he was not moving at the time, he was sat nicely by the picnic tables outside the cafe being fed his ice-cream by Maggot, he did all of turn his head and sniff, then went back to the ice-cream.

Child screams

Man with Child: That dog should be on a lead my child is scared of dogs

Me: What in a country park? Don't come to parks where dogs are allowed then

Man: Well that is a big dog not a small one

Me: And? Your child just ran her bike into him, it is lucky he is a big dog she could have done lots of damage to a smaller one.

Man: He is dangerous & vicious

Me: You are basing that statement on what? Your child ran her bike into him and he sniffed in her direction, he did not bite her, she ran over his paw, he did not react apart from to sniff in her direction, you can see I have 2 children with me. Now if you would just like to give me your details so that if it does indeed turn out he is injured in any way I know who to tell the insurance to contact to pay for it.

Man: I'm not giving you my details if he is hurt it is your fault for having him off the lead

Me: He was not moving even if he was on the lead, your child would have still run her bike into him, he had not moved for 5 minutes he was eating his ice-cream

Man: I want you to pay for damage to her bike, oi why are you taking photos, stop taking photos of the bike and me *strides towards me grabs my arm*

Major lays and ignores him

Me: I suggest you let go, cos with one click of my fingers, you will see the dog that you insist he is, currently that "vicious dangerous" dog is laying there ignoring you because he has not been told otherwise, shall I tell him otherwise

Man: That dog is a menace *still holding arm*

Lots of people were now watching the cafe was very busy

Me: Last chance *clicks fingers*

Major sits up & watches

Man: Yeah right I will kill him if he does anything

Me: Okay, click fingers again

Major then shows full set of teeth & hackles and does the I mean it big boy growl still not moving.

Man then pales, lets go of me, picks up bike, calls girl and all but runs away

Cafe Cheers

In the next 10 minutes Major is presented with another 4 ice-creams from people and I am told that the man & his daughter had been a pain in the rear end for about 1 1/2 hours, with the man ignoring the daughter and the daughter smacking her bike into peoples legs, tables etc the entire time.

 

[Arch]

Major, my German Shepherd that is brainless, has grown up with children, is well trained, out of PAT stock, takes orders from a 3 y/o, as bomb proof as you can ever say a dog can be, had a small child on a bike crash into him - he was not moving at the time, he was sat nicely by the picnic tables outside the cafe being fed his ice-cream by Maggot, he did all of turn his head and sniff, then went back to the ice-cream.

Child screams

Man with Child: That dog should be on a lead my child is scared of dogs

Me: What in a country park? Don't come to parks where dogs are allowed then

Man: Well that is a big dog not a small one

Me: And? Your child just ran her bike into him, it is lucky he is a big dog she could have done lots of damage to a smaller one.

Man: He is dangerous & vicious

Me: You are basing that statement on what? Your child ran her bike into him and he sniffed in her direction, he did not bite her, she ran over his paw, he did not react apart from to sniff in her direction, you can see I have 2 children with me. Now if you would just like to give me your details so that if it does indeed turn out he is injured in any way I know who to tell the insurance to contact to pay for it.

Man: I'm not giving you my details if he is hurt it is your fault for having him off the lead

Me: He was not moving even if he was on the lead, your child would have still run her bike into him, he had not moved for 5 minutes he was eating his ice-cream

Man: I want you to pay for damage to her bike, oi why are you taking photos, stop taking photos of the bike and me *strides towards me grabs my arm*

Major lays and ignores him

Me: I suggest you let go, cos with one click of my fingers, you will see the dog that you insist he is, currently that "vicious dangerous" dog is laying there ignoring you because he has not been told otherwise, shall I tell him otherwise

Man: That dog is a menace *still holding arm*

Lots of people were now watching the cafe was very busy

Me: Last chance *clicks fingers*

Major sits up & watches

Man: Yeah right I will kill him if he does anything

Me: Okay, click fingers again

Major then shows full set of teeth & hackles and does the I mean it big boy growl still not moving.

Man then pales, lets go of me, picks up bike, calls girl and all but runs away

Cafe Cheers

In the next 10 minutes Major is presented with another 4 ice-creams from people and I am told that the man & his daughter had been a pain in the rear end for about 1 1/2 hours, with the man ignoring the daughter and the daughter smacking her bike into peoples legs, tables etc the entire time.

Absolutely brilliant! Well done to you, and Major.

 

[Night Train]

Major, my German Shepherd that is brainless, has grown up with children, is well trained, out of PAT stock, takes orders from a 3 y/o, as bomb proof as you can ever say a dog can be, had a small child on a bike crash into him - he was not moving at the time, he was sat nicely by the picnic tables outside the cafe being fed his ice-cream by Maggot, he did all of turn his head and sniff, then went back to the ice-cream.

Child screams

Man with Child: That dog should be on a lead my child is scared of dogs

Me: What in a country park? Don't come to parks where dogs are allowed then

Man: Well that is a big dog not a small one

Me: And? Your child just ran her bike into him, it is lucky he is a big dog she could have done lots of damage to a smaller one.

Man: He is dangerous & vicious

Me: You are basing that statement on what? Your child ran her bike into him and he sniffed in her direction, he did not bite her, she ran over his paw, he did not react apart from to sniff in her direction, you can see I have 2 children with me. Now if you would just like to give me your details so that if it does indeed turn out he is injured in any way I know who to tell the insurance to contact to pay for it.

Man: I'm not giving you my details if he is hurt it is your fault for having him off the lead

Me: He was not moving even if he was on the lead, your child would have still run her bike into him, he had not moved for 5 minutes he was eating his ice-cream

Man: I want you to pay for damage to her bike, oi why are you taking photos, stop taking photos of the bike and me *strides towards me grabs my arm*

Major lays and ignores him

Me: I suggest you let go, cos with one click of my fingers, you will see the dog that you insist he is, currently that "vicious dangerous" dog is laying there ignoring you because he has not been told otherwise, shall I tell him otherwise

Man: That dog is a menace *still holding arm*

Lots of people were now watching the cafe was very busy

Me: Last chance *clicks fingers*

Major sits up & watches

Man: Yeah right I will kill him if he does anything

Me: Okay, click fingers again

Major then shows full set of teeth & hackles and does the I mean it big boy growl still not moving.

Man then pales, lets go of me, picks up bike, calls girl and all but runs away

Cafe Cheers

In the next 10 minutes Major is presented with another 4 ice-creams from people and I am told that the man & his daughter had been a pain in the rear end for about 1 1/2 hours, with the man ignoring the daughter and the daughter smacking her bike into peoples legs, tables etc the entire time.

Absolutely brilliant! Well done to you, and Major.

Seconded.
Absolutely spot on. Should have had him for 'assault' though.