Any good jokes ... ?

[betty swollocks]

As I get older and remember all the people I lost along the way, I think to myself...
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

 

[swee'pea99]

My dad was dying due to blood loss and we didn’t know his blood type to let the paramedic know.

He kept shouting at us to be positive but, to be honest, it’s hard without him around.

Sent this to a friend, who said it "took me back instantly to being 10 or 11 when my older sister had been invited to a party and needed Dad to be taxi driver. Asking where it was she replied “Downer Road” Where? “Downer Road”. My old Dad had a fairly short fuse in those days exploded “I know it is down a bloody road but which bloody one?”

 

[PeteXXX]

That reminds me of when I worked the doors at a posh hotel.
A chap walked out and told me to call him a taxi.

"OK, sir, you're a taxi" said I..



This is not true.. I've never worked in a hotel

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Dave7]

View attachment 554407

I will 2nd that

 

[morrisman]

Who had "Pirates attacking ships near the Isle of Wight" in the "2020 can't get any weirder" sweepstakes?

 

[DaveReading]

Who had "Pirates attacking ships near the Isle of Wight" in the "2020 can't get any weirder" sweepstakes?

I'll admit that i didn't.

But then that's not what's happened.

 

[Venod]

 

[Chris S]

View attachment 554516

https://www.cyclechat.net/threads/any-good-jokes.78142/page-973#post-6170783
SNAP!

 

[Dirk]

Today I realised that taking my dog named 'Shark' to the beach was probably not a home idea.......

 

[morrisman]

No messing with Hampshire Police and the 'Rule of Six'. A group of seven people reportedly got together on boat, so they got the Special Boat Service to go and arrest them.

 

[morrisman]

I'll admit that i didn't.

But then that's not what's happened.

And in other jokes horses don't actually order drinks and men don't actually go into bars.

 

[Cavalol]

Chat: "Can't"

Email: "I Cannot"

3,000 word essay: "Henceforth, I am unable to can"

 

[postman]

We were in Homebase at lunchtime yesterday.Mrs P said did you put the clocks back.Yes i said,i did notice the security guard watching me.

 

[PeteXXX]

When I was younger, there was no Internet so people had to walk miles to call me an idiot..