Any good jokes ... ?

[Sharky]

Dropped a tub of margarine on my toe over a month ago. Still hurts.
Can't believe it's not better.

 

[gbb]

Bob goes into the public rest room and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms.
As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out.
Being a kind soul, Bob says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?" Bob says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?" Bob replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful.
Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Bob says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.

Good grief, we used to tell that one in the early 1970s

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Cavalol]

I've had 143 written warnings at work. They've told me the next time I'll be fired for gross misconduct.

 

[tyred]

 

[raleighnut]

View attachment 553490

Check their 'instagram' accounts

 

[Beebo]

View attachment 553490

Cycle chat?

 

[Cavalol]

I can never remember what a simile is, what am I like?

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[tyred]

 

[Faratid]

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

A poet named Mister Magee
Wrote limericks that stopped at line three
And would not go further.

 

[Faratid]

There once was a man from Lahore
Whose limericks stopped at line four.
When asked why this was,
He replied, “Just because.”

There was a young man from Verdun

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Cavalol]

A friend of mine bet me £100, that I wouldn't go into our local bank dressed as Father Christmas.

It was a Santadare.