Any good jokes ... ?

[betty swollocks]

Not a joke, but it is funny:-
The swearing parrots of Lincolnshire.

They must be Norwegian TurnThe Air Blues.

 

[Chris S]

Almost. It requires some questionable pronunciation to make it work.

 

[Chris S]

Teacher: Your grammar is appalling
Pupil: And your grandad is a tosser

 

[colly]

The only thing in the newspapers I take seriously nowadays is fish and chips.



And I take that with a pinch of salt.

 

[colly]

I had a go at 'Blindfold Archery' yesterday. You really must try it.

You don't know what you're missing.

 

[Domus]

The papers one reminded me of a favourite quote.

“I wouldn’t trust the Daily Express to start a fire or hold my chips”

 

[morrisman]

Who can drink five gallons of petrol and not get sick?
Jerry can!

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Cavalol]

I just mashed up some Kellogg’s Frosties into a paste & used it between my bathroom tiles.

They’re Grrrrrrout!

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[PaulB]

View attachment 550036

That'll put people off. If I wanted to buy a bike (which is nearly always), I'd think that it's always best to assume what he says is wrong and that the opposite action should be taken. End result? No bike bought.

 

[Cavalol]

Lance is a pretty uncommon name nowadays, but in medieval times people were called Lance a lot.

 

[Dave7]

For her birthday my wife asked for special treatment.
She didn't seem impressed when I sprayed her with Cuprinol

 

[tyred]