Any good jokes ... ?

[PeteXXX]

Two peanuts were walking down the road. 🥜 🥜

One was a salted..

 

[PaulB]

I haven't seen my twin brother since we left Australia.

We were separated at Perth.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

Have you been forced by Covid to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be in line for condensation. 😷

 

[Dayvo]

 

[betty swollocks]

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon."

 

[Blue]

It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub.

It’s a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.

 

[Chris S]

 

[Cavalol]

If two Vegans have an argument is it still called a beef, or is it a quornfrontation?

 

[PeteXXX]

A monk who claimed to have seen the face of Jesus in his margarine tub has said
"I can't believe it's not Buddha"

 

[PaulB]

How many Sid James impersonators does it take to change a lightbulb?


Fwooar!

 

[Electric_Andy]

Donald Trump has just released his secret of how to amass a small fortune: Start off with a large one.

 

[PaulB]

And now, a late entrant into the worst joke of today category....

Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

 

[Oldhippy]

That is Xmas cracker material right there!

 

[Beebo]

And now, a late entrant into the worst joke of today category....

Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Almost. It requires some questionable pronunciation to make it work.

 

[swee'pea99]

Almost. It requires some questionable pronunciation to make it work.

When you say 'work'...