Any good jokes ... ?

[morrisman]

See they have nearly finished painting Boris Johnson's plane

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea.

One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn;
I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristians home.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'
Kristian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'
Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'........
'I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again kristian

 

[betty swollocks]

I've just noticed I've got a grey pubic hair.
I'm ok with it. I didn't freak out
- unlike the other people in the lift.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Andy_R]

View attachment 531379

Tried and tested technology

 

[Sillyoldman]

Aye, world beating and a snip at 100 millions plus

 

[PeteXXX]

No strings attached..

 

[rikki]

I've just noticed I've got a grey pubic hair.
I'm ok with it. I didn't freak out
- unlike the other people in the lift.

Really?
Why do they think there a mirrors in lifts?

 

[monkers]

Really?
Why do they think there a mirrors in lifts?

Checking your pubes while in a lift? It's wrong on every level!

 

[betty swollocks]

Checking your pubes while in a lift? It's wrong on every level!

I think it depends on whether it's a privates or a pubic lift.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Archie_tect]

I hate this umbrella. it never... grunt... opens the first... grunt... time.

 

[betty swollocks]

Scientists say it’s possible to live on Mars.
I know that’s nonsense.
I tried it once, I put on 5 stone and became diabetic.

 

[Sharky]

The real cause of obesity is milk.

I've put on 10 stone since I started drinking milk.