Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

The real cause of obesity is milk.

I've put on 10 stone since I started drinking milk.

I knew a guy that drank 10 pints of full fat milk every day. Sadly, it eventually killed him.

He was 115 when he died.

 

[betty swollocks]

Yesterday, I was chased out of the waxworks by a woman with a sabre in one hand and a rapier in the other.
I think it was Madame Two Swords.

 

[Sharky]

My wife says that I am very nosy!!

I wish she would say that to my face instead of writing it in her diary..

 

[monkers]

I think it depends on whether it's a privates or a pubic lift.

I've been often told I need a face lift - what does a pubic lift involve?

 

[Tenacious Sloth]

I've been often told I need a face lift - what does a pubic lift involve?

Sound pretty hairy to me.

 

[monkers]

Sound pretty hairy to me.

... and pretty attractive to a tenacious sloth then! 2 metres remember.

 

[Smokin Joe]

VEGAN;

Ancient slang for the village idiot who can't hunt, fish or ride.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[monkers]

View attachment 531685

I've never been so nervous about clicking 'like'. Don't want folk getting the wrong idea!😊

 

[screenman]

97% of people are stupid, luckily I am in the other 5%.

 

[monkers]

97% of people are stupid, luckily I am in the other 5%.

I'm a 110% sure you are not.

 

[screenman]

I'm a 110% sure you are not.

I have told you a million times do not exaggerate.

 

[monkers]

I have told you a million times do not exaggerate.

You also told me to be a reciprocal, but no one's having one over me!

 

[CharlesF]

The next time your wife get angry, drap a towel around her shoulders, and say ”Now you’re Super Angry”.

Maybe she’ll laugh.



Maybe you’ll die.

 

[Chris S]