Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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glasgowcyclist
Charming but somewhat feckless
- Location
- Scotland
Electric_Andy
Heavy Metal Fan
- Location
- Plymouth
I said to the waiter at the Italian restaurant: "Can you do me some lightly cooked pasta with a bit of bite, whilst I wait for my friend?"
The waiter said "Al dente?"
I said "No, Tony Romano"
The waiter said "Al dente?"
I said "No, Tony Romano"
Arjimlad
Tights of Cydonia
- Location
- South Glos
He had chills, they were multiplying, and he was losing control.
Arjimlad
Tights of Cydonia
- Location
- South Glos
Did I tell you about the time I took a really old bottle of TippEx to the Antiques Roadshow?
It was apparently a corrector's item
It was apparently a corrector's item
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
There's no need to say that in Evans. During the rioting a few years ago I half suspected somebody had just put a brick through their window to get their attention.
betty swollocks
large member
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Works better if you are a barista in a coffee bar
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
A man’s wife asks him to get some more cigarettes, but when he gets to the shop it’s closed.
So he goes into a nearby pub to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her flat.
After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3 a.m. and says, “Oh no, it’s so late, my wife’s going to kill me.” He takes his shoes outside and rubs them in the grass and mud, then proceeds home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed off. “Where the hell have you been?!?!” “Well, it’s like this. I went to the shop like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the pub to use the vending machine. I saw this great-looking woman there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.”
She sees his shoes are covered with grass and mud and says, “You lying bastard!!! You’ve been fishing again!!!”
So he goes into a nearby pub to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her flat.
After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3 a.m. and says, “Oh no, it’s so late, my wife’s going to kill me.” He takes his shoes outside and rubs them in the grass and mud, then proceeds home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed off. “Where the hell have you been?!?!” “Well, it’s like this. I went to the shop like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the pub to use the vending machine. I saw this great-looking woman there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.”
She sees his shoes are covered with grass and mud and says, “You lying bastard!!! You’ve been fishing again!!!”
betty swollocks
large member
Too posh for me.
simon the viking
Guru
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
What's the secret of a happy marriage?
"Yes dear."
"Yes dear."
