Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
Don't blame alcohol for everything, you've made a prat of yourself enough times when you were sober.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
betty swollocks
large member
You should always keep them short but this one does it for me.
A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner so he goes over for a chat.
The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”
The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”
And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”
The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger and the Derby. And over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”
They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.
The horse arrives and says “Lovely place you have here and who’s that in the picture on the wall?”
The donkey replies “That’s me when I played for Juventus..”
A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner so he goes over for a chat.
The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”
The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”
And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”
The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger and the Derby. And over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”
They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.
The horse arrives and says “Lovely place you have here and who’s that in the picture on the wall?”
The donkey replies “That’s me when I played for Juventus..”
LCpl Boiled Egg
Three word soundbite
My wife wanted to divorce me because she said I never cleaned the cafetière properly. Her solicitor said there weren't sufficient grounds.
Richard A Thackeray
Legendary Member
betty swollocks
large member
GM
Legendary Member
- Location
- North of the river
A young woman started work in the Village chemist shop.
She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling condoms.
"Look" he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms; they either ask for a 310 (small); a 320 (medium); or a 330 (large). The word condom is never mentioned".
The first day was fine, but on the second day a huge muscular black guy came into the shop, put out his hand and said “350" please.
The girl panicked.
She phoned the Chemist on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a bucket hanging between his legs," her boss told her.
She peeped through the door, and saw the bucket hanging between the guy's legs.
"Yes!” she shouted down the phone. "He's got one hanging there!”
The boss replied, "Well, go back in there and give him £3.50 ...he's the frigging window cleaner!”
She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling condoms.
"Look" he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms; they either ask for a 310 (small); a 320 (medium); or a 330 (large). The word condom is never mentioned".
The first day was fine, but on the second day a huge muscular black guy came into the shop, put out his hand and said “350" please.
The girl panicked.
She phoned the Chemist on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a bucket hanging between his legs," her boss told her.
She peeped through the door, and saw the bucket hanging between the guy's legs.
"Yes!” she shouted down the phone. "He's got one hanging there!”
The boss replied, "Well, go back in there and give him £3.50 ...he's the frigging window cleaner!”
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
That awkward moment when the nurse is examining your testicles and she asks you to stop running your fingers through her hair.
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
I don't understand it?
