Any good jokes ... ?

[ClichéGuevara]

My girlfriend says she doesn’t trust me.


I guess that’s just one more thing she has in common with my wife.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.



I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact I knew where he lived

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I was just having a poo and ran out of toilet paper so had to do that trousers-round-the-ankles waddle to get some more. Bit embarrassing but I'm nearly at Tesco's now.

 

[morrisman]

It's not a milky way, it's a galaxy far, far away.

View attachment 503371

That's not a galaxy far, far away, it's a mars far, far away

 

[ClichéGuevara]

That's not a galaxy far, far away, it's a mars far, far away

Sshh, I couldn't find a picture of a tiny galaxy bar.

 

[Andy_R]

Sshh, I couldn't find a picture of a tiny galaxy bar.

Here you go...

 

[Profpointy]

Thank you for the explanation, I read all the words, I understood them all, I even got them in the correct order, but I still have no idea what you said.

Do you get the train whistle point - or listen to an ambulance siren as it passes, the pitch goes from high to low. Once you answer, I'll explain the light bit

 

[Profpointy]

I’ve never thought about it, but now you mention it I understand the siren thing.

The light thing is the same. Blue light is "higher pitch" as it were than red light. Thus stars and galaxies coming towards us look more blue than we'd expect but those going away (most of 'em) look more red (equivalent to lower pitch) than we'd expect.

 

[Profpointy]

Ok, now that I understand that, thanks. The joke is funny.

And you've learned a bit of physics too !

 

[kynikos]

And dwell a bit more on the theory and you'll see why the car is foreshortened as it approaches and lengthened when it's moving away...

 

[PaulB]

The worst job I ever had as a taxi driver was to go in to a pub and say, "Taxi for Spartacus."

RIP Kirk Douglas.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Chris S]

My wife is half French. She only shaves one armpit.

My wife is half Brazilian. She only shaves one side.

 

[PeteXXX]

Someone just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me...
I thought "What the Hellman!!"

 

[Salty seadog]

View attachment 503328

Ooo, go on then. Doppler shift of light for receding and nearing object

There was a red car in Canterbury with a sticker on the back with words to the effect of "if this car looks blue to you you're getting to close".

Made me Chuckle and wonder how many people thought.... Wtf.