Any good jokes ... ?

[postman]

My grandfather went peacefully in his sleep.

Unlike his passengers on the bus he was driving.

 

[PeteXXX]

I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it's more of a wrap..

 

[Cavalol]

I'm being forced to smoke by my French mate, Pierre Pressure.

 

[morrisman]

I was just reading a farming magazine that urged never to put Llamas in the same field as rams because they will fight. You would have a right ramallamadingdong.

Alpaca bag for you

 

[Salty seadog]

 

[newfhouse]

I tried the Morse code diet once, but I had to keep dashing to the loo

Drives you dotty, doesn’t it?

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Just spent £300 on a limo and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver. I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I went into a restaurant and tried to order the octopus stew.

The waiter told me it would take 3 hours to cook.

I asked "why?" and he replied

"We cook them alive and they keep reaching out of the oven and turning the gas off...."

 

[morrisman]

Apparently, after his claims that he could "remember when rock was young", geologists have now estimated Elton John to be over 4 billion years old.

 

[Cavalol]

What do you call a magician thats lost his magic?

Ian.

 

[Threevok]

Sample hair colours

or dye trying

 

[Archie_tect]

What does an octogenarian pirate say when he meets people for the first time?

Aye, aye matey...

 

[Threevok]

Colleague : That's an unusual patterned shirt you're wearing
Me : It's YSL
Colleague : Yves Saint Laurent ?
Me : No, yellow sticker lasagne


Sorry, that was a scentsless joke

 

[Rezillo]

Something's going wrong with this thread. There are at least three jokes in the last page that are going against the very long standing response of "No" to its title.

 

[betty swollocks]

Oscar Pistorius wanted to paint his bathroom door a different colour.
But his girlfriend was dead against it.