Any good jokes ... ?

[betty swollocks]

 

[Smokin Joe]

I came home at 4am today. My wife screamed, "Where the hell have you been?"

I replied, "I've been playing poker".

"Playing poker with your sleazy friends?" She yelled, "Well you can pack your bags and go".

"So can you", I said, "This isn't our house anymore".

 

[rikki]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Chris S]

I'm on the Cambridge diet - heroin.

 

[Chris S]

I was just reading a farming magazine that urged never to put Llamas in the same field as rams because they will fight. You would have a right ramallamadingdong.

Wasn't that a Showaddywaddy song?

 

[glasgowcyclist]

When my granny asked me asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I said I'd like a ship in a bottle.
Now I know what I'm getting her for her birthday; a hearing aid.

 

[colly]

 

[morrisman]

Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

According to my neighbour's diary, I supposedly have boundary issues.

 

[swee'pea99]

From last weekend's Weekend, is this the ultimate Guardian joke?

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

View attachment 500688 View attachment 500688

Missed the poisonous spiders off that. Giant Spiders use scare tactics

 

[Threevok]

Stolen from FB

 

[Cavalol]

What's the bread capital of the South coast?

Hove is.

 

[guitarpete247]

View attachment 500688

A friend of mine's father had been in the RAF. He had been posted to Australia and always described Western Australia as GAFA. The Great Australian F... All.