Any good jokes ... ?

[morrisman]

A man runs into a doctors office screaming: "You've gotta help me doc! I'm shrinking!"
The doctor says: "I'm sorry sir I'm very busy today. You'll just have to be a little patient."

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Did you know - if you rest one of your testicles on the top of an empty beer bottle then hold a flame under the bottle, your testicle gets drawn into the bottle!




If you did know this, can you please let me know how to reverse the process?

It's quite urgent.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

I was chatting to someone a few days ago who was telling me that their grandfather saw the launch of The Titanic. Apparently as soon as The Titanic was in the water he started telling everyone around him that it was going to sink. Nobody would listen to him, so he started shouting and causing a scene. Naturally this upset quite a lot of people but he wouldn't let up, 'It's going to sink! It's going to sink!' Eventually he was asked to leave the cinema.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Speeling matters

 

[Cavalol]

Did you know that the flag of Japan contains a pie chart of how much of Japan is Japanese?

 

[Salty seadog]

I was chatting to someone a few days ago who was telling me that their grandfather saw the launch of The Titanic. Apparently as soon as The Titanic was in the water he started telling everyone around him that it was going to sink. Nobody would listen to him, so he started shouting and causing a scene. Naturally this upset quite a lot of people but he wouldn't let up, 'It's going to sink! It's going to sink!' Eventually he was asked to leave the cinema.

Popping by again old bean...

 

[Chromatic]

It was 11 years ago today that my mate Jamie came running out of the room shouting "it's a boy. It's a boy" with tears running down his face.

We've never been back to Thailand.

Not a joke but a little anecdote about a work colleague many years ago who went to Thailand, as he was being shown to his hotel room the guy showing him to his room asked him 'you like Thai girl?', upon declining the offer the guy said ' aah, you like Thai boy!'

 

[CharlesF]

 

[Cavalol]

Does anyone know if Irene Cara managed to get her pilot's license?

 

[newfhouse]

Does anyone know if Irene Cara managed to get her pilot's license?

There’s no rush, she’s gonna live forever.

 

[Cavalol]

There’s no rush, she’s gonna live forever.

That's Fame for you.

 

[Cavalol]

A little less condensation

 

[Cavalol]

A little less condensation, a little more action man

 

[Dayvo]

The year 2020 is going to be filled with oh-so-many puns about perfect vision....

I can't wait to see them all.

 

[Kempstonian]

2020... the year Specsavers goes bust...