Lullabelle
Banana
- Location
- Midlands UK
Two nuns were walking through a park, a guy jumps out from behind the bushes and flashes them, 1 nun had a stroke- the other couldn't reach
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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3 man stood in a pub arguing over what is the fastest thing on Earth . The first says electricty as the flick a switch and on comes a light . The second says the power of thought you think i will scratch my nose and you do it . The third says no it is the blink of the human eye so fast you cannot see it . All this time a guy had been listening in the corner he gets up walks over and says You are all wrong its diarrhea How do work that out they say . His reply is last week i went out had a curry and 6 pints of guinness , went home and was led in bed and before i could think,blink or turn the light on i had sh#t myself
Puddles
Do I need to get the spray plaster out?
- Location
- Hamble, Southampton
glenn forger
Guest
Done my back in climbing the pyramids, had to go and see a chiropractor.
02GF74
Über Member
Totally OT....
We were on a Sick Bay night out, and some of the Nurses where with us in the pub
As one of the girls went to the loo a young man saw fit to flash his bits at her.
Unphased she returned to us and told us about it, so we offered to have a word..... she said it was sorted, and a few minutes later 4 of the Nurses went across with her to the young man's table where he was sat with some friends
Then in a very loud voice demanded to be shown the same thing again and had brought her friends because they did not believe her when she had told them how small it was!
Cue 5 nurses demanding that they be allowed to see the evidence, and asking if the inadequate size was why he was hiding it now!!
He left........... amid many jeers about how small his manhood was
My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited, quickly undressed
and we had the most amazing sex ever, which is odd because she's
never shown an interest in darts before.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited, quickly undressed
and we had the most amazing sex ever, which is odd because she's
never shown an interest in darts before.
Puddles
Do I need to get the spray plaster out?
- Location
- Hamble, Southampton
I found this amusing
The largest condom factory in the States burned down. President Obama was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.
"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week."
Obama: "Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from Mexico .."
Telephone voice says, "Bad idea... The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We'll be a laughing stock. What about the UK ?"
Obama: "Okay, I'll call Cameron and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches wide, That way, they'll continue to respect us as Americans."
Three days later, a delighted President Obama ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches wide exactly as requested..
All coloured with Union Jacks with small writing on each one:
MADE IN ENGLAND - SIZE: SMALL
"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week."
Obama: "Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from Mexico .."
Telephone voice says, "Bad idea... The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We'll be a laughing stock. What about the UK ?"
Obama: "Okay, I'll call Cameron and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches wide, That way, they'll continue to respect us as Americans."
Three days later, a delighted President Obama ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches wide exactly as requested..
All coloured with Union Jacks with small writing on each one:
MADE IN ENGLAND - SIZE: SMALL
I was in the Trinity shopping centre on Wednesday.When i was approached by a family asking did i know of any child friendly cafes in the centre.
I had trouble understanding their very broad Birmingham accent,and as i was explaining which cafes i though suitable,the youngest child asked.
"Mister do you know the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison"
No was my reply,i had never thought about it.
With a big grin on his face he replied.
"Youll can wash your hands in a baison".
I had trouble understanding their very broad Birmingham accent,and as i was explaining which cafes i though suitable,the youngest child asked.
"Mister do you know the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison"
No was my reply,i had never thought about it.
With a big grin on his face he replied.
"Youll can wash your hands in a baison".
