vernon
Harder than Ronnie Pickering
- Location
- Meanwood, Leeds
He should have gone to Specsavers.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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He should have gone to Specsavers.
Maverick Goose
A jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place
- Location
- A champagne supernova in the sky
Inspired by somebody I used to work with who made Helen Flanagan look like Stephen Hawking...
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
2674730 said:
No, they're the ones at the front of the grid.
02GF74
Über Member
An English Lesson
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned,
'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he became the manliest of all men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned,
'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he became the manliest of all men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
What weighs 126lbs and wears a Stetson?
A nine-stone cowboy.
A nine-stone cowboy.
Lance Jack
Über Member
- Location
- A BFPO somewhere
Two little boys walked into a chemists. "May I help you?," asked the assistant. "We'd like a box of Tampax, please," replied the older boy.
"Is it for your mother?," the assistant asked. "No," the boy replied.
"Oh, then it must be for your big sister." said the curious assistant.
"No, it's for my little brother," the older boy replied enthusiastically. "We heard on TV that if you use Tampax you can swim and ride a bike and he can't do either one yet."
"Is it for your mother?," the assistant asked. "No," the boy replied.
"Oh, then it must be for your big sister." said the curious assistant.
"No, it's for my little brother," the older boy replied enthusiastically. "We heard on TV that if you use Tampax you can swim and ride a bike and he can't do either one yet."
steve52
I'm back! Yippeee
- Location
- bottesford scunthorpe
so soooooooo wrong i nearly choked
I was standing in a bar in Glasgow Cross yesterday and this wee Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I said to him, "Do ye know ony of thae martial arts thingys, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the fruck yoo ask me dat? Iss coz I Chinee, huh?"
"Och No", I say, "It's because yer drinkin' ma f*ckin beer, ya squinty eyed wee bastard!!"
I said to him, "Do ye know ony of thae martial arts thingys, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the fruck yoo ask me dat? Iss coz I Chinee, huh?"
"Och No", I say, "It's because yer drinkin' ma f*ckin beer, ya squinty eyed wee bastard!!"
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
I was mugged by a Parkinson's sufferer today.
I was left really shaken.
I was left really shaken.
