Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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mrandmrspoves
Middle aged bald git.
- Location
- Narfuk
Two explorers were walking through the jungle when they heard a large roar from a tiger coming in their direction.
On hearing the roar one of the explorers stopped walking, pulled out a pair of running shoes and put them on.
The other explorer looked at him and said 'that wont help - you'll never outrun a tiger' The reply came back......I don't need to outrun the tiger - I just need to outrun you!
On hearing the roar one of the explorers stopped walking, pulled out a pair of running shoes and put them on.
The other explorer looked at him and said 'that wont help - you'll never outrun a tiger' The reply came back......I don't need to outrun the tiger - I just need to outrun you!
martint235
Dog on a bike
- Location
- Welling
That's not a joke, I use it regularly at work in any situation where I don't have to put enough effort in to be the best, just be better than a colleague eg frequent job losses
sickboyblue
Senior Member
- Location
- Manchester
Two nuns are driving along a quiet country lane when a vampire jumps in front of their car. The older nuns says to her companion "quick sister, show him your cross" . The younger nuns winds down her window and shouts "fark off you pointy toothed prick!"
chriss2.0
Active Member
- Location
- hartlepool
this one is real life,
as you know the firm that built the titanic was an irsh firm. and as we all know they named it the unsinkable ship.
well they have tryed it again, some time ago they were hired to build a ship launching platform that wouldn't float away
, so theY built this "unfloatable platform".
on the last night of its construction they all went home, only to find that the next morning
IT HAD FLOATED 50MILES OFF SHORE!!
id love to see these guys make a submarine
as you know the firm that built the titanic was an irsh firm. and as we all know they named it the unsinkable ship.
well they have tryed it again, some time ago they were hired to build a ship launching platform that wouldn't float away
, so theY built this "unfloatable platform".
on the last night of its construction they all went home, only to find that the next morning
IT HAD FLOATED 50MILES OFF SHORE!!
id love to see these guys make a submarine
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
They used to say the best way to secure your car against joyriding thieves was to park it next to a Sierra Cosworth.
thom
____
- Location
- The Borough
Harland and Wolff made the Titanic and the Titanic quarter & museum is now a major tourist attraction I'll have you know...this one is real life,
as you know the firm that built the titanic was an irsh firm. and as we all know they named it the unsinkable ship.
well they have tryed it again, some time ago they were hired to build a ship launching platform that wouldn't float away
, so theY built this "unfloatable platform".
on the last night of its construction they all went home, only to find that the next morning
IT HAD FLOATED 50MILES OFF SHORE!!
id love to see these guys make a submarine
But as regards the Titanic & indeed another famous export George Best, all I can say is they were fine before they left East Belfast...
chriss2.0
Active Member
- Location
- hartlepool
you gotta admit tho, allbeit coincidental, the fact that the same company, made the same bold clames twice, and it happened twice, it is a bit funny
(respect tho, titanic was a fantastic ship , i believe she would have survived if they hit it head-on, instead of veering off to one side)
thom
____
- Location
- The Borough
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
I heard that while they were building the Titanic in East Belfast, in West Belfast they were building an iceberg.
chriss2.0
Active Member
- Location
- hartlepool
Last edited:
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
This Irish family were in trouble when their cow went dry. They lost their customers and didn't have any milk for themselves. So Paddy heard about a cow for sale just over the water in Scotland - guaranteed good milker. So Paddy bought it.
Good milker? it certainly was and the family were soon back in business. So Paddy thought "We should mate her and have a good-milking calf when it grows up". So Paddy hires a bull.
Good bull, too, it seemed but the cow walked sideways left when he approaches from the right, walks sideways right when he approached from the left, backwards if from her front and at a good clip forwards when he tried to sneak up on her from behind. So Paddy thinks "We ought to speak to the vet". So Paddy visits the vet and explains.
"Hmm. Er. Well now... hmm. Look here... hmm...". "Oh, hang on - she's not from Scotland is she?"
So Paddy says "Yes , but how on earth did you know that?
"My wife's from Scotland"
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
More than a quarter of 18 to 24-year olds in Britain do not trust Muslims, a BBC Radio 1 poll suggests.
But that's got nothing on the number of 4 to 16-year olds that don't trust BBC employees..............
But that's got nothing on the number of 4 to 16-year olds that don't trust BBC employees..............
Maverick Goose
A jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place
- Location
- A champagne supernova in the sky
A blonde walked into a bar and said 'ouch'!
