Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
I paid up front for a carpenter to make me a double bed. He's done a bunk.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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GM
Legendary Member
- Location
- North of the river
Borrowed from Viz......
twentysix by twentyfive
Clinging on tightly
- Location
- Over the Hill
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Slow But Determined
Guest
Is Kevin Bacon a ham actor?
PaulSB
Squire
- Location
- Chorley, Lancashire
Possibly this belongs in a different thread but here goes:
Nigel Farage walks into a pub and says, "I'll have a pint of beer, please." The barman pours a pint, then throws it all over Farage.
'What did you do that for?' says Farage.
'Because you're in a metaphor which illustrates the stupidity of asking for something, but not stipulating how you wanted it delivered. '
'OK then... I'll have a pint – this time in a glass!' says Farage.
'You can't ask again!' said the barman.
'Why not?' sniveled Farage.
'Democracy.' says the barman."
Nigel Farage walks into a pub and says, "I'll have a pint of beer, please." The barman pours a pint, then throws it all over Farage.
'What did you do that for?' says Farage.
'Because you're in a metaphor which illustrates the stupidity of asking for something, but not stipulating how you wanted it delivered. '
'OK then... I'll have a pint – this time in a glass!' says Farage.
'You can't ask again!' said the barman.
'Why not?' sniveled Farage.
'Democracy.' says the barman."
guitarpete247
Just about surviving
- Location
- Leicestershire
Love that. I want to be that barman.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
A Scottish soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the chemist. "Six pence" says the chemist. "How much for a new one?" "Ten pence" says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?' the Scot asks the chemist. "Six pence" says the chemist. "How much for a new one?" "Ten pence" says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."
I gave that a like BUT......
I will say it before anyone else does.
The Mersey doesn't run through Liverpool.
It starts near Manchester and eventually runs between Liverpool and the Wirral before emptying into the sea.
Just sayin like
Salty seadog
Space Cadet...(3rd Class...)
You're barking up the wrong end of the stick.
