Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
And stop calling me 'Shirley' ...
https://www.cyclechat.net/threads/any-good-jokes.78142/post-5491649
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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https://www.cyclechat.net/threads/any-good-jokes.78142/post-5491649
AndyRM
XOXO
- Location
- North Shields
Threevok
Growing old disgracefully
- Location
- South Wales
Salty seadog
Space Cadet...(3rd Class...)
An undercover cop called at my farm in the sticks yesterday evening...
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.
“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.
The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the fark I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this farking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the fark I want, have I made myself clear?!”
I nodded politely, apologised, and went about my work. A short while later, I hear loud screams, looked up and saw the cop running for his life being chased by my angry bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life.
I threw down my tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs,
“Your badge, show him your farking badge!”
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.
“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.
The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the fark I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this farking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the fark I want, have I made myself clear?!”
I nodded politely, apologised, and went about my work. A short while later, I hear loud screams, looked up and saw the cop running for his life being chased by my angry bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life.
I threw down my tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs,
“Your badge, show him your farking badge!”
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
I do like that one. It could apply to many of them but I like it.
roadrash
cycle chatterer
- Location
- sitting on the edge of wigan pier
the only person to get all his work done by Friday was...………………………………………………………………. robinson crusoe
AndyRM
XOXO
- Location
- North Shields
Your coat, sir.
There are 3 types of people in the world - those that can count and those that can't count.
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Lullabelle
Banana
- Location
- Midlands UK
Lullabelle
Banana
- Location
- Midlands UK
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended with her saying;
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went;
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just had the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my tennis coach dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!".
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went;
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just had the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my tennis coach dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!".
