Any good jokes ... ?

[bruce1530]

(since we’ve started resurrecting the Beckham jokes...)

After one game, Roy Keane had an injury, and got sent to the physio, then to see the manager.

When he came back, Beckham asked how he got on?

“I’ve to get a cortisone injection”.

Beckham immediately storms off, saying “If he’s getting a new car, I want one too...."

 

[Venod]

Teacher asked the class for something beginning with e that they were not good at.
Little Johnny put his hand up and said,
spelling.

 

[oldfatfool]

Talking of little Johnny, he was in an RE lesson when the teacher asked for a story reciting from the bible. Little Johnny stood up and told the story of how David slew Goliath,

And after Goliath fell, David rode away on his motorbike concluded little Johnny.

Johnny there are no motorbikes in the bible berated the teacher.

There are too, said little Johnny, picking up the bible, it says here, and when David slew Goliath, all the crowd could hear was the roar of his Triumph!

 

[Cavalol]

I put a clock in my bird's cage. The constant ticking is driving it crazy, I'll give it about an hour until it goes cuckoo.

 

[Dayvo]

Pun enters a room and kills 10 people.

Pun in, ten dead.

 

[morrisman]

Does anyone know how long it takes to cook those boil in the bag fish.
I didn't get any instructions at the fun fair.

 

[bruce1530]

Two skiers, at the top of a mountain.

“Right, we’ll Zig-Zag down the hill and I’ll meet you at the bottom”
“Don’t you mean “Zag-Zig down the hill”
“No, it’s Zig-Zag”
“I’m sure it’s Zag-Zig”

“I think you’re wrong. Let’s ask that guy over there with the sledge”.

“Excuse me Sir, I wonder if you could help us. We’re skiers, and we’re wondering if you zig-zag down the hill, or zag-zig down the hill?”

“Sorry, I don’t know anything about skiing - I’m a tobogganist”

“Ok, can I have 20 Benson & Hedges, and a box of matches”

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

I have a friend who's addicted to brake fluid.




He says he can stop any time though.

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

I have another friend who's addicted to speed bumps.




He's says he's going to get over it.

 

[Cavalol]

Just got home and realised Staples had sold me a packet of cardboard instead of paper. I’m writing them a stiff letter.

 

[CharlesF]

Just bought some Viagra tea bags.


They don't improve your sex life, but they stop your biscuits going soft.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Enjoy this, then imagine a typical English speaker trying to pronounce a word in Xhosa or Zulu



View: https://twitter.com/susanaesono/status/1168228851102576640?s=21

reminds me of


View: https://youtu.be/Lt1u6N7lueM

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

"Dad, can you explain what a solar eclipse is?"
"No son"

 

[Seevio]

View attachment 485547

Surely all rides include a bunny hop hazard with combined limbo option for the advanced rider?