Any good jokes ... ?

[XRHYSX]

The Government have set up an task force to monitor domestic extremism. They have infiltrated various dangerous groups and have warned them that they will monitor every breath they take, every move they make and every step they take. The press have called it a Sting Operation

 

[fossala]

Jesus walks into a bar, walks up to the bartender and asks for a glass of water.

The bartender replied, "Not this s*** again Jesus".

 

[Lullabelle]

We went to see my folks yesterday. After a while my dad said 'I am just going to pop upstairs' so he went upstairs and popped

 

[PaulB]

And on a cycling theme, I was doing a crossword earlier and the clue was 'a bike that can be ridden by two people at once (6)'. Turns out the answer WASN'T 'Jordan'. Which surprised me a bit.

 

[ColinJ]

So, there was a finish line, a coach, and a fast-moving peloton ...

 

[Speicher]

So, there was a finish line, a coach, and a fast-moving peloton ...

And a boxing kangaroo on its side.

 

[palinurus]

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his pizza?

- he ate it before it was cool.

 

[XRHYSX]

As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers, I muttered under my breath, "Fat farking cows."

"What was that?" snapped my wife.

"You herd."

 

[XRHYSX]

The man who invented the computer mouse died yesterday. Apparantly when he stopped moving his families first reaction was to shake him from side to side, repeatedly click his head, slam him down then try to remove dirt from his bottom

 

[glasgowcyclist]

Yesterday my mother-in-law fell down a wishing well.
I was amazed, I didn't know they worked!


GC

 

[XRHYSX]

Yesterday my mother-in-law fell down a wishing well.
I was amazed, I didn't know they worked!


GC

 

[PaulSB]

My favourite.

What is ET short for?




















..........little legs

 

[Kins]

Facebook bike related prank.


View: https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=523994427655424

 

[Maz]

A man drives to work in his car one day. When he gets there, his mate sees two penguins sitting in the back of the car.
His mate says, "Why’ve you got 2 penguins in the back seat?"
The man says "I found ‘em abandoned by the side of the road, but I don’t know what to do with ‘em."
"You should take them to the zoo." says his mate.
"That's a good idea, I’ll do that" says the man.
The next day, the fella drives to work again, and again his mate see that the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey” says the mate “I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"I did," says the man, "We had such a good time, I’m taking them to the seaside tomorrow."

 

[Maz]

Bob and Jeff go for a round of golf. Bob hits the ball onto the next green where 2 women are playing. Bob starts to go to retrieve the ball but realises one of the women is his wife and the other his mistress. So he says to Jeff "I can't get the ball back...my missus is there and so is my mistress. Can you get the ball for me?". Jeff agrees and goes to retrieve the ball but quickly scurries back..."Small world, isn't it, Bob?" he says.