Any good jokes ... ?

[s7ephanie]

A Marine fell asleep on the beach. He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs and was taken to the closest hospital, which happened to be a U.S. Naval Hospital.

His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister.

Anything that touched his legs caused agony.

The lead on the medical staff at the naval hospital, that night, was a Chief Corpsman, in the emergency room.

The Chief checked him out and then prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water, electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.

Rather astounded, the 3rd class corpsman, who was with the Chief inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?"

The Chief replied, "It'll keep the sheet off his legs." !!!

 

[Dave hypahippy]

Paddy walks into a bar and starts Chatting up the Barmaid after about 10 mins She says Sorry I'm a Lesbian !
You what says Paddy What's one of them then?
You see that Girl over there I'd Like to Rip her top off and Suck her Tits
Paddy starts to Cry... what's the matter says the Barmaid
I think I'm a Lesbian TOO Say Paddy..

 

[cisamcgu]

Paddy walks into a bar and starts Chatting up the Barmaid after about 10 mins She says Sorry I'm a Lesbian !
You what says Paddy What's one of them then?
You see that Girl over there I'd Like to Rip her top off and Suck her Tits
Paddy starts to Cry... what's the matter says the Barmaid
I think I'm a Lesbian TOO Say Paddy..

Is this joke about random punctuation ? Because otherwise it makes no sense to me ....

 

[vernon]

Paddy walks into a bar and starts Chatting up the Barmaid after about 10 mins She says Sorry I'm a Lesbian !
You what says Paddy What's one of them then?
You see that Girl over there I'd Like to Rip her top off and Suck her Tits
Paddy starts to Cry... what's the matter says the Barmaid
I think I'm a Lesbian TOO Say Paddy..

Why would being attracted to a girl cause Paddy to cry?

I don't get the joke.

Perhaps a surfeit of alcohol and the presence of homophobic feelings will render it funny.

 

[ComedyPilot]

Any good jokes?

The size of my penis after a winter commute

 

[colly]

Oh dear ! Thought police alert !

 

[mrandmrspoves]

A couple of blokes go out drinking and one gets so drunk that he throws up over himself..
He turns to his slightly less drunk friend and says 'my wife will kill me when she finds out I got so trashed I was sick on myself'
His friend tells him not to worry and tells him to tuck a £20 in his top pocket. When your wife finds the money - just tell her another guy was so drunk he was sick on you and gave you £20 to cover the cleaning costs.....

The drunk man goes home strips off and crawls into bed.
The next morning he is woken by his rather angry wife who is complaining about the state he came home in and the state of his clothes.
The man says ' Did you find the £20 in my top pocket? I was given it by a man who was sick over me'

Oh says his wife ' That's strange because there was £40 in your top pocket!

.......ah that's right I remember now says the man.............he pooed in my pants too!

 

[machew]

Venison's dear isn't it?

 

[colly]

No idea................if it's blind.

 

[TVC]

What if it has no legs?

 

[machew]

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no ears?

 

[colly]

Someone with a meat cleaver got there before you ?

 

[vernon]

Venison's dear isn't it?

I've not got enough dough to buy it.

 

[vernon]

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no ears?

Still no eye deer?

 

[machew]

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no ears?

Can't hear. Still. No-eye deer.
Q.: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no ears and no genitalia?